To the woman who called me sick because I talk about my children who died, my heart hurts for you.
As a mother who has experienced child loss, premature birth, and infertility, I put my life out on full display. I write and share my family’s story as a way to help others, all while getting the chance to share stories about all three of my triplets, even though two are no longer alive. Yes, the Internet can be filled with insensitivity, especially when I discuss topics that, even in 2019, are considered taboo. Most times, I can take the high road, but not today.
“You need to get past this, it’s so sick. Please, please get help. It’s so sick. Your child lives in a shadow created by you. Stop stop stop, it’s beyond sick. I’m so sorry for you but please stop with this. Lay them to rest and move on. Get therapy but don’t drag your husband and child through this. So so sick. I’m sorry that you are so sick and debilitated by that you don’t even see how sick you are. Please stop.”
It’s been 5-½ years since my triplets were born, and in all that time, never has a comment made me sick to my stomach. In the minutes after reading this message, so many emotions took over me. I wanted to yell at this woman. I wanted her to know how much words can hurt. And I wanted to know if she has ever lost a child. I tried to calm down, but that message kept coming back to me. I found myself awake throughout the night, quietly sobbing while my heart was racing and hurting at the same time.
I put my life out there on the Internet, so I have to realize that people are entitled to their opinion, even if it’s negative. But here’s the thing — If you’ve followed my family and our story for years, you would know that my life is not surrounded by grief and loss. Social media is not an accurate view of a person’s life. You only see snippets on Facebook and Instagram, and oftentimes, you only see the most glamorous, happy moments. I choose to show reality, and it’s not always pretty. I share the heartbreaking moments of parenting children in both heaven and earth. Yet, I also show the wonderful moments of raising a daughter who is truly remarkable. If you’ve followed my story, you would know that I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. Yes, it’s possible to find life after loss and it’s possible for grief and happiness to coexist. My life doesn’t revolve around grief, and no, I don’t dwell over my losses every day.
My daughter is her own person, a unique individual full of joy and spunk. She will always know how special she is and we are constantly finding ways to celebrate her, along with remembering her brother and sister. Yes, my daughter is here. She’s alive and present. But, I’m not going to forget that she was a triplet and I’m not going to hide the fact that I’m a mother to two angels above.
