This morning, as I was driving to work, the topic of addiction came to my mind. I’m not sure what brought it specifically up in my thoughts, but I would imagine it’s because it’s played a major role in my life.
You see, I knew how to draw lines of cocaine by the age of five.
I was born into a long lineage of alcoholism, mental illness, and suicide.
I attempted to kill myself the first time by age eight.
I have attended so many funerals related to addiction.
I have family who have suffered through addiction, and I have friends suffering through it still.
I’ve seen too many people lose that battle.
I married an addict.
I myself was an addict.
No one can seem to wrap their head around the idea when I share that my five foot four, one hundred and ten-pound self [used] to easily drink up to [18] beers a night. Eighteen. No one believes me. I guess I don’t look like an alcoholic.
And that’s what brought my thoughts around to a special truth this morning. It’s something God has let me in on over time. It’s a comment that flies in the face of everything addicts are told, but it’s something I think they need to hear the most.
It’s what God would say to the person who is currently or has in the past suffered with addiction. To you, God would say this.
You are not an addict.
Stop the presses! Crazy, I know. But this is core truth. This is what carries me each day.
I am not an addict.
My husband? He is not an addict.
AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) would shudder at the phrase. And I’ve even said myself, once an addict, always an addict. But y’all, that’s just not true.
I am a child of God.
You are a child of God.
Does that mean I’m gonna pick up a case of Miller Light on the way home from work? No. I know that my tendencies to overindulge in alcohol are still present. I know my flesh and worldly self would like nothing more than to unwind after a hard day with some booze. A nice buzz would feel great. So, I won’t stop for beer on the way home. But, I am not an addict. Addiction is something I have dealt with, it’s something God has healed me from, and it’s something that I could fall back into under the right circumstances if I allowed it access.
But, I am not an addict. Addiction is an affliction I suffered. It’s a hereditary trait that runs in my family. It’s a cruel habit I tried to break for years that caused broken relationships and could have killed me. I’ve seen it do even worse to people I love. I’ve had my own heart shattered to pieces at the hand of addiction in the life of those I hold dear.
But, I am not an addict.
