Recently Kyle and I got into a heated argument. And, I stressed even more because of the Bible verse that says something like, “Don’t go to bed angry.”
And to be quite honest, it was over something so minuscule that I can’t even remember why we were arguing. What I do remember is that around 11 p.m. I looked at the clock and realized that we had been fighting for three hours already. My eyes were puffy and swollen, I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t even care about the actual issue anymore.
I knew the Bible verse — don’t go to bed angry — but I didn’t know how to apply it.
However, I kept thinking “We can’t go to bed angry. We can’t go to bed angry. We CAN’T go to bed angry.” Instead of giving Kyle some space, I kept the argument going because I was convinced that at some point he’d have to realize that I was right. And instead of being concerned about our relationship and how he was feeling, I was determined to make him admit that he was wrong and say sorry.
Most are quick to quote Ephesians 4:26 when this type of issue arises. However, most will only site the last half of the verse: “do not let the sun go down on your anger,” and not the first half of the verse, or the verses that precede and follow.
“BE ANGRY AND DO NOT SIN; DO NOT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR ANGER, AND GIVE NO OPPORTUNITY TO THE DEVIL.” (EPHESIANS 4:25-27)
Ephesians 4:25-27 doesn’t read “argue the night away and don’t go to bed until your husband admits that he was wrong and you were right.” It’s not referring to the state of our rightness, it’s referring to the condition of our hearts. It’s not implying that we can’t go to bed without forcing our husbands into agreeing with us. Most of the time it’s about letting go.
When I choose to let go of the argument, I often realize that I had blown the whole thing out of proportion anyways. Not everything has to be solved instantly. And when Kyle and I decide to drop something for the day, sleep on it, and come back to it the next day, we are able to more rationally address the subject.
Don’t go to bed angry, but you don’t have to cry and fight for hours on end either.
Let it go for [a] day, pray about it, and get a good night’s sleep. Come back to the issue the next day, and chances are, you’ll have a much better outcome than you would if you had kept your husband up all night arguing.
Arguments happen in marriages — including super-healthy ones. Invite God into the argument, too, and see what He has to say. There are many ways to resolve disagreements and fights. The first step is remembering to love well. And the second step is knowing how to stand up for yourself. Beyond that, work together to follow what God is saying.
