5. They must have control.
Abusers thrive in one situation: They have control over another. If a victim tries to assert his/her rights, the abuser will demean, cajole, threaten, harm, or even pretend to be hurt in order to maintain control. They need to have complete autonomy over another person’s decisions, thoughts, actions, and interactions with others. They often isolate from others who would help the victim, separating them from family and close friends who could offer a way of escape.
This is why when a victim begins to assert his/her rights, sparks fly. Huge fights come when the victim begins to stand up. At this point the victim will either be further slammed into submission, or he/she will flee. (If that’s you, go to a safe place. And then pursue counseling and health. You chose to be with this person for various reasons, and it’s important you learn why you’re attracted to predators. Get healthy before you approach a new relationship, or you might end up with another predator).
ASIDE: I realized that because of my past, I longed for narcissistic predators to love me. I figured if I could get one of those types of people to admire and love me, I could prove that I was finally lovable. Of course, this didn’t end well. Predatory narcissists don’t love other people, they exploit them. Once I realized my tendency, I had to ask God to fill up those parts of my heart that needed love from people like that.
6. They suffer from low self-worth.
It seems counterintuitive. You would think predatory people didn’t even need to think about self-worth since they gain power from hurting or controlling others. But they do so because they’re deeply ashamed of who they are. Bullies come to mind. Most bullies bully others because they are deeply unhappy. They’re usually compensating for some sort of early childhood wound. Instead of grieving their past in a healthy way, they are making others pay for their sadness.
RELATED: 10 Empowering Self-Respect Walk Away Quotes for When Things Get Heated
7. They cannot empathize.
This is a hallmark trait of a sociopath, psychopath and even a narcissist. While they may appear to empathize (they’ve learned how so they blend in), they absolutely cannot empathize with others. They are consumed with themselves and have no concept of other people hurting. They’re the kinds who will listen and appear to hear your molehill of pain, but then quickly change the subject to their own mountain of pain.
8. They either love or hate.
Predatory people can quickly demonize anyone who is against them. Or they overly can fawn over someone they “love.” But a loved one can quickly morph (in an instant) from a companion to an absolute enemy. I’ve experienced this several times, where one moment I was over-the-top loved and praised, then suddenly became the most evil, awful enemy known to man. Predators don’t keep silent about their enemies, either. They will tell their new victims all about the evil people in their past in order to gain your empathy (and also subtly warn you to NEVER do that to them). If someone constantly talks about evil people or the evil they do, run away. Because someday they will say the very things about you. The intensity of their love today is only match by the virulent hatred they have for you tomorrow.
9. They easily find fault—but not in themselves.
Predators blame everyone else for their issues or where they are in life. They are obsessive about other people’s sin, but they cannot ever see their own. And if you bring up their sin, wait for an explosion and expect to be blamed. They’re masters at blaming the blamers.
