Dear Future Daughter-in-law,
Your someday husband is currently two years old.
Right now it’s hard to imagine that he’ll ever be interested in anything more than his collection of sticks in the backyard or the tiny parade of ants that marches diligently over the cracks of the sidewalk.
It’s hard to believe his focus will shift from pretend fights and bike rides and playground scuffles to school dances and movie dates and first kisses.
It’s hard to picture what he will do when he first meets you. Will he bring you to dinner, and quietly pull me aside to confide to me, “Mom, she’s the one!”? Or will I catch it in the way he looks at you when you don’t think he is?
It’s hard to believe that someday my place as his mother will be eclipsed by your place as his wife. But it is a change that I’ll welcome, hopefully with grace and humility.
It’s hard to imagine any of these things. But I want to — no, I need to — because in truth,
I might forget.
I have reason to believe that “Mom brain” is a permanent affliction, and I’ll probably need a reminder by the time you come into the picture. I’ll need a reminder of what it is like to be a daughter-in-law.
So, for the sake of the future, both mine and yours, here are a few promises I want to make to you:
1. I will recognize that my son’s loyalty is first and foremost to you. I will do my best to never put him in a position where he feels he must choose between the two of us, and I will never pit you against each other.
2. I will always treat you with respect, despite the fact that we may not always see eye-to-eye.
3. I will not undermine you. I will respect the choices you and my son have made, both as independent adults and as parents, if you choose that path. I will consistently enforce your rules as long as I am under your roof or your children are under my care.
