I know you might be trying really hard to show love to your wife. I also know that it may not be translating to her in the way you are hoping.
Maybe she’s still telling you that she needs you to focus on her more or spend more quality time with her and the family. Marriage requires a whole lot of self-sacrifice, and it is sometimes downright exhausting. The thing is, wives know when you are simply checking a box.
After you do your part, you want to say, “Leave me alone, I put in my time.” But that is a little bit selfish and a lot foolish for overall happiness. She can tell that even though you are present, you aren’t really with her. God gave women the incredible gift of emotional intelligence, and they have this gut instinct that is sometimes freakishly accurate. This can be a helpful way to gauge how things are going in a marriage.
I have heard countless stories of women dragging their husbands into counseling only for the husband to say, “What? We are fine!” And then he hears how deeply unhappy his wife is.
If you usually see things in a positive light, her anger might confuse you. But maybe, just maybe, your optimism is just thinly masked denial. Apathy. A good dose of reality can shake things up and spark positive change. Giving the bare minimum might feel easier, but you will reap some pretty small fruit.
I know this isn’t just a problem for husbands, but I can only speak about how a wife may feel so that you might be able to glean some inside perspective. The question is, why do we end up feeling such apathy about our marriages? It is a human condition to become accustomed to the good gifts God gives us, and we tend to take things for granted. Not only that, people are messy and they get annoying and difficult to live with.
But if your wife irritates you, can you imagine how you might make her feel? And yet she wakes up and does life with you another day. Mothers your children, cares for your needs, cleans your messes. You are not perfect, my friend, so keep that in mind when you are silently griping about her shortcomings. I say this because I am seeing a record number of women going off the deep end.
She may not beg for your attention forever. She might give up. Or move on. Or both. She might stay in the marriage but emotionally check out.