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After just three days in the hospital, mom and baby were released to go home, despite being exclusively breastfed “with a mother whose milk had not come in.”
“So we took him home…not knowing that after less than 12 hours home with us, he would have gone into cardiac arrest caused by dehydration,” she wrote. “Did you know newborns aren’t supposed to cry all the time? They’re supposed to eat and sleep and dirty their diapers. I had no idea that he was inconsolable because he was starving—literally.”
According to Dr. Christie Del Castillo-Hegyi, “Constant, unsatisfied nursing and inconsolable crying are two of the signs of newborn starvation that lead to brain-threatening complications. If a child is receiving a fraction of their caloric requirement through early exclusive breastfeeding, they can experience severe hunger and thirst, which is why they will cry inconsolably and breastfeed continuously when it is the only source of calories and fluid they are offered.”
In addition to starvation, Dr. Christie says a child who is “cluster feeding” may actually burn more calories breastfeeding than they receive in return. This often leads to fasting conditions and rapid weight loss like Landon experienced.
When the new family returned home from the hospital, Landon fell asleep while cluster feeding. He became unresponsive with no pulse.
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After 15 days on life support, the newborn passed away.
“The best advice I was given by one of his NICU doctors while he was on life support is, ‘Sure breast is best, but follow with the bottle,'” she wrote. “This way you know your baby has eaten enough.
If only I could go back in time.”
It’s been five years now since Jillian lost her son for something that could have totally been prevented had she known to advocate for her baby. Today, she wrestles with the guilt of wondering what life would be like had she known.
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“I still have many, many days of guilt and questions—what if I would’ve just given him a bottle? And anger because how would I have known. I remember when Stella was born, and she was always quiet. I kept asking the nurses what was wrong with her. They said nothing. She’s doing what she’s supposed to. Sleeping. Eating. And it was then that I realized that it wasn’t normal for a newborn to cry as much as Landon did. He was just crying out from his hunger. But I didn’t know. I should’ve known. I still struggle daily feeling as though I failed him.”
Jillian says she misses her son, and the life that could have been, but he taught her so much in his short little life.
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“That little boy gave me ten of the most incredibly life-changing months. I’ve been humbled. Challenged. My relationships have fallen apart. Some have come back together. I’ve learned forgiveness. And the true meaning of “life is short.” I love hard—to a fault. But I couldn’t live with myself knowing his death was in vain. I’ve learned so many lessons. I’ve learned the true meaning of compassion and unconditional love.”
Ultimately she hopes that sharing her story now—though painful and hard to reconcile—will help other mothers to know that FED is best.
SHARE Jillian’s story with a mama in your life, help spread the message that babies should never go hungry.
Visit fedisbest.org for more information.
