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How to Overcome Comparison: An Open Letter From a Recovering Perfectionist

So, here’s what I’ve recently had to learn as a millennial woman standing int he middle of our weird, social media saturated world: You’ve gotta check your heart. Trying to prove that you’re real and relatable on the internet can be just as messed up as trying to prove that you’ve got it all together.

Why? Because that’s what sells now. It does. Plain and simple. It’s the kind of thing that gets the most likes and comments like, “Oh my gosh! You’re just SOO real! Needed this, girl!” in the virtual world.

I mean, it makes sense—none of us want to feel like we’re alone in our imperfections or struggles. And those kind of things make us feel less alone, I get it.

And that’s okay but to be honest, your comfort or confidence should not increase because another girl shares her brokenness.

So many women on the internet try to prove that they’re real because they know others will like it—not because it’s just who they are. I know because I’ve done it, too. #guilty #thestruggleisreal

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It’s like it somehow makes us believe that by sharing these things we won’t struggle with comparison anymore…so how is it that comparison is like, the hottest topic on the internet? How is comparison at an all time high? Isn’t all the internet transparency and real talk supposed to be cutting that like a knife? I sure thought so. Until I realized it doesn’t totally work like that. Until I realized someone else may post something even MORE real or be even MORE relatable and suddenly we feel like we didn’t try hard enough.

But how can you try to be real? It shouldn’t be something anyone has to prove. Maybe we should just be real, through and through. Otherwise, we all fall into the trap of being perfect about being imperfect and fake about being real.

ICK! How did that get so twisted?

Like I said, it’s not bad to share glimpses into real life or to be dead honest about some of our struggles on the internet (I mean, hello, I do it, too).

BUT no matter how hard we try to make it real, the internet is not real life. It’s not going to be that real. It just isn’t.

So, we can’t live there. We can’t keep trying to prove ourselves there. Don’t do it for the gram. Do it for God, okay?

When you let yourself live, when you let yourself be real and totally you through and through, it’ll be clear to those around you if you’re genuine or not.

Take the pressure off of yourself to be so real on the internet and actually live real life. Live for Jesus. Love His people. Your real heart will show through. Because even those *real* photos can only be so real. They aren’t half as real as sitting across the table from a tear stained, unstaged, and unfiltered face that just really needs a hug.

There’s so much more life in taking the focus off of ourself and how we measure up and channeling that energy into serving God.

I have a quote that says, “throw your hair up in a messy bun and go do some Kingdom work.”

Notice how this doesn’t say, “throw your hair up in a messy bun and then try to prove how comfortable with your hair undone.” That still makes it about you and proving something.

It says to go do some Kingdom work. In other words, “throw it up in a bun, stop focusing so much on how done or undone it is, and channel that energy into doing what really matters.

That’s how you beat comparison. That’s how you live a full, real, abundant life—by living in your purpose and being mission minded.

Because yes, real is a bare face revealing an uneven skin tone and a little bit of yesterday’s make up left over. It’s crusty lips and hat hair and wrinkly tees and a little of cellulite. Real is tired eyes and messy tables and a series of imperfect moments. I mean, we’ve all been there. But if we’re not parading around showing it off in real life, why would we show it off online?

It’s one thing to let it be what it is and focus on what matters and another thing to highlight it and focus on it. When we seek affirmation for our mess, we misplace the affirmation we already have in the Messiah.

Jordan Lee
Jordan Leehttp://thesoulscripts.com/
Jordan Lee is the creative voice behind the blog, The SoulScripts. She is passionate about seeing women set free by the love of Christ and works to bring them to that through sharing real, raw, and relatable stories and anecdotes with a creative spin. She launched her site in 2015 on a simple premise — to get real, to sort through the lies women believe, and to encourage readers in Truth while offering touches of comic relief along the way. She especially loves to keep it real by speaking openly into real-life struggles and offer encouragement through storytelling because she believes that our stories are the most unifying thing we have. The messy, broken, and imperfect parts of life are the threads that weave us together, reminding us that we are truly not alone. She understands the reality that we all have imperfections, brokenness, and pieces of our lives we’d rather not show. She recently published her first book, WholeheARTed: A Coloring Book Devotional, released this past spring. It is available for purchase via Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Lifeway, and more. When she isn’t writing, you can find her with a coffee in hand as she dives into the Word, jogging through town, and traveling the globe with her husband. You can get to know her more on Facebook, Twitter,or Instagram.

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