Parenting

To the Stay-at-Home Mom Spending Her Husband’s Money

stay at home mom

A recent study by Welch’s surveyed 2,000 American stay at home moms of kids between the ages of five and 12 years old. What they found is that the average mom works 98 hours per week, which is the equivalent of two and a half full-time jobs!

It’s fair to note that there are only 168 hours in a week, so moms are literally working around the clock.

Another study revealed that moms would make nearly $150,000 a year if they were paid for their time.

WOW. When you run the numbers, there’s no doubt that the price tag on the often thankless job that is motherhood is a hefty one.

So why is it that so many stay-at-home moms feel guilty for spending their husband’s income, as though they aren’t equally contributing to their household’s worth and well-being?

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Straight-shooting mama Laura Mazza has a few brutally honest thoughts on the matter, and her viral message is officially empowering women everywhere:

“I hear it a lot, a stay at home mom feels guilty for spending ‘her husbands’ money.

We go from being independent women, who make an income, buy ourselves what we want, travel, cars, we have an independent life, to women who have more holes in our underwear than pennies. And any small money we have goes to our children.

The problem isn’t that we can’t get a job, some of us were lawyers, doctors, social workers, chefs, teachers, administrative workers. And the problem isn’t that going back to work and trying to juggle school pick ups and baby’s and childcare fees that wipe out a whole weeks salary while coming home and doing it all is exhausting and hard. [I]t’s the fact that we aren’t recognized for the hard work we are already doing.

We don’t even recognize it ourselves. There’s been so many times where I’ve heard stay at home mothers ask to buy something, like they are 15 again. Asking for $10 to buy a bra.

It’s no longer ours, it’s his money. And if he wants to buy 400 shoes, well he can, because he worked.

But what about you? Raising kids, cleaning the house, cooking, making repairs, appointment keeping, working 24 hours 7 days a week, is our lives now worth nothing where we are reduced to asking to buy ourselves a necessity?

Actually, I read a scientific study done by a working dad that said mothers would earn 148,000 a year if they were paid. Crazy right?

We are lucky to be with our children, we are privileged, yes, settle down Nancy, we know we are blessed, we are not ungrateful, but we go through a lot, and losing our identity and becoming or being made to feel like a financial burden is one. Being looked at like we are scum when we do work and have to leave to get sick kids isn’t fun, sometimes we simply can’t win.

Mothers who stay home, you are not inadequate, you are not a burden, what you bring to your home is contributing. You should not have to ask, if money is there, for necessities. You’re not some lazy woman who drains the credit card on shoes and screw anyone who talks like that.

And partners who work, I implore you, treat your spouse like a partner, like an equal. You created these children together. Money does not give you the power in a relationship, that is not what relationships are about. Using money as a form of power is a form of abuse.

Successful relationships need to discuss budgets, talk about their needs, and be a part of a team. Treat the mother of your children like just that. The mother of your children. And don’t ever let her ask you for money for a bloody bra.”

**This post was written by Laura Mazza and originally appeared on her Facebook page. For more musings about motherhood, follow her here

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Kelsey Straeter
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Kelsey is an editor at Outreach. She’s passionate about fear fighting, freedom writing, and the pursuit of excellence in the name of crucifying perfectionism. Glitter is her favorite color, 2nd only to pink, and 3rd only to pink glitter.

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