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To the Woman Who Feels Like She Doesn’t Belong

I woke suddenly, and I could immediately feel the ache in my throat. It was that strained, lump that makes it hard to swallow, and I knew the pain of emotional anguish had followed me outside of my dreams and trailed into the real word. I could still feel the despair from the nightmare I had just woken from, and I felt like any moment the tears I had shed in my dream world would spill down my face as I rose my head from my pillow. So real was the memory of it, that it took a minute or two to understand it wasn’t real. But wasn’t it?

It didn’t escape me, the fact that my dream had been born on the cusp of actual feelings. Feelings I had transversed through my entire life, feelings I had shifted around through the years, feelings I had labeled differently as I tried to deal with them, but feelings that bled into fear for my child in my subconscious it seemed. In my dream, my eldest daughter had not belonged. Like me, like my past, and like my current existence, she had been left out by other girls.

The dream remained vivid as I sat on the edge of my bed in the dark, and I remembered how I yelled at the people around me. They had been downplaying the bullying of my daughter that had occurred in the dream. They had chuckled with a smirk, “kids will be kids,” and I had responded in vitriol how they could never understand. It had happened to me, and I knew the pain of being an outcast. It hurt like hell.

Feeling Like I Don’t Belong

As I sat on the edge of my covers, gripping them tightly, I realized I still resided in that hurt. And in that hurt, I feared for my daughter. There’s something awful about feeling like you don’t belong. You can try and say “screw them” all you want, but the wound remains. It eats away at your confidence unaware. One day you realize that you walk through life accepting of the idea that you don’t fit in. You just don’t.

As I later drove to work I was listening to the radio and a Lauren Daigle song came on. A particular part of the chorus reached into my heart and tugged, as if the Lord Himself was speaking to my spirit, which I believe He was. Tears streamed down my cheek, and I repeated the words to the song out loud.

When I don’t belong, you say I am yours

I can remember when the Lord first began to deal with me about being unique and not fitting in with other women. I had often called myself an introvert, but I realized I was actually a fence builder. It wasn’t that I didn’t like people; I just distanced myself for my own protection. I can recall feeling relieved when I felt the Lord tell me that I was who He made me to be.

Brie Gowen
Brie Gowenhttp://briegowen.com/
Brie Gowen is a 30-something (sliding ever closer to 40-something) wife and mother. When she’s not loving on her hubby, chasing after the toddler or playing princess with her four-year-old, she enjoys cooking, reading and writing down her thoughts to share with others. Brie is also a huge lover of Jesus. She finds immense joy in the peace a relationship with her Savior provides, and she might just tell you about it sometime. She’d love for you to check out her blog at BrieGowen.com.

WATCH: Sisters Sing Bone-Chilling Easter Rendition of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

The young sisters from Fort Frances, Ontario sing an Easter rendition of Leonard Cohen's famous "Hallelujah," that is so beautiful, it'll bring tears to your eyes.

What Is Maundy Thursday?—How to Celebrate During Holy Week

As we celebrate Holy Week, the week leading up to Easter, you may start to wonder, what is Maundy Thursday? Three days before Easter, we come to Maundy Thursday. "Maundy" comes from the Latin word "mandatum," meaning command, order, or commission.

Abby & Brittany: Conjoined Twin Abby Hensel is Married!

They’re the most famous conjoined twins in the world, and now Abby Hensel, of the duo Abby and Brittany, is now married!