Like praying for your child that you don’t want to leave, to leave, so she can be with her family. Telling her mother that you’re rooting for her and, actually, really, rooting for her. Waiting and wondering when the good-bye will finally come.
Packing up a lifetime — a short lifetime, but a whole life, nonetheless — of belongings. Sorting through pictures, finding the perfect moments to create the perfect memory book. Writing a letter, introducing a mother to her child. Giving a final kiss. Saying good-bye.
Reminding mom: You’ve got this. You’re supposed to be afraid and overwhelmed, we all are. Waking up in the middle of the night, heart racing, sweating: What if she thinks I abandoned her? Praying: God, though I’m not with her, you are.
And then back to the experience that all mothers share, the universal feelings of motherhood: Love. Joy. Loss. Fear. Guilt. Gratitude. The emotions of being a mom.
Today I say good-bye to my foster daughter, forever. I relinquish my role as her foster mother. I happily and sadly pass her back to her biological mother, her mother forever.
And I forever remember those months when I was her mother.
