9. If they are cleared of any contributing medical condition, I strongly recommend a consultation with a psychologist to determine an accurate diagnosis. [If] what they are struggling with is truly depression or perhaps something else or something in addition to depression, accurate diagnosis is essential to effective treatment.
10. In addition to encouraging your depressed spouse or friend to go to their doctor or mental health provider, offer to make the appointment for them and go with them. Depression is often accompanied by decreased motivation, decreased initiative, and worry, fear, and anxiety, all of which can make it challenging for depressed individuals to seek the help they need. Further, when one is depressed and has difficulty concentrating and making decisions, it can be helpful to have a second set of eyes and ears at such appointments to help ask pertinent questions and remember the suggestions or instructions given by the provider.
11. If your loved one seeks treatment, you may consider getting their permission to discuss their treatment. Frequently it’s helpful to be able to openly discuss changes in presentation, concerns, and treatment plans with their provider, and to be able to clarify any misunderstandings or instructions for ongoing treatment. Recognize, however, that some individuals often prefer to keep such sensitive issues private and confidential, and doing so may help their motivation to continue treatment if they feel they have a safe, confidential place to express their feelings. Respect their wishes.
12. The Bible encourages us to “Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 NLT). In essence, try to meet them where they are with the intent to understand their experience rather than judge. As a spouse or friend, you can be understanding of their feelings, show them love and compassion, and discuss with them how their presentation makes you feel, in an emotionally neutral context and tone of voice. You may find some of my other posts about what to say or what not to say to a depressed loved one helpful. (What to Say When a Loved One is Depressed or What Not to Say When a Loved One is Depressed).
13. You too may find it beneficial to participate in therapy to learn how to better support your husband or wife or friend, while also protecting your own heart from intentional or unintentional wounding.
14. Pray for your depressed spouse or friend. This is perhaps one of the most important recommendations I can make. You are not alone in this journey. God hurts for you and your depressed loved one. Do what you can to help in practical ways like those listed above, but then entrust them into God’s perfect care. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9 NIV).
15. If you or a spouse or loved one suffer from depression, know that it is impossible to give a comprehensive list of recommendations or advice here in a blog post. But you might consider reading “Hope Prevails: Insights From a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression” and doing the companion “Hope Prevails Bible Study,” both of which were resources I wrote specifically to help those who were unable to consult with me in my private practice.
Above all, know that God sees. He cares, and He has not and will not leave you to fight this battle alone.
Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
Dr. B
May I Pray for You?
Father, I lift up all who are suffering from depression or love those who do. Father, you tell us you desire to comfort all who mourn, to give them a crown of beauty in exchange for their ashes, to give us the oil of joy instead of mourning, and festive praise in place of despair. Would you, Father, be near and comfort their broken hearts. Would you assure them of your love and the hope that prevails because of you. And would you give them wisdom to know what to do, trusting the outcome to you. We thank you in advance for your healing power. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
If you know individuals who are pastors, ministry leaders, Bible teachers, counselors, mentors, or teachers who work with individuals suffering from depression, please consider sharing this post and my two books with them, so that they know resources do exist to help them help others.
(If you have a question you’d like Dr. B to answer in a future post, contact her here now. Your name and identity will be kept confidential.)
**This article was written by Dr. Michelle Bengston and originally appeared here. See more from her at DrMichelleBengston.com.
