If you were to have a camera crew in your home for a few months and every moment of your life played on television, what would people honestly see? Once the newness and extra efforts for the audience wore off, would they see you putting most of your effort toward success and/or your own individual hobbies? Or would they see you loving your wife and family well?
As a husband and man of the home, if you were honest with yourself, would the care, time and energy put toward your marriage be seen as above average, needing work, or completely neglected?
While it is crucial that a woman’s worth, joy and fulfillment are found in Christ alone and not by means of her husband, God is also passionate about the covenant of marriage. When you said ‘I Do’, you were committing to take care of your bride as your own body for the rest of your life.
Most of the time, the problems that we see in our marriages are not specifically due to our marriage itself. The problems lie in our hearts and in our relationships with Jesus. Marriage is a representation of God’s covenant and His love for His people. It’s crucial that we take it seriously while working daily to protect it.
I have written many posts to women and wives, such as Dear Wife: Why Your Husband Really Needs You and 10 Ways a Wife Disrespects Her Husband (Without Even Realizing It), but I felt it heavy on my heart to gain some insight from my husband and share this as well.
So how do you know if you’re loving your wife well?
1. Love Her As You Love Yourself
Does your wife feel as if you are interested in her as a person? Does she feel important and seen every time you walk through the door? Does she feel known as your best friend and companion? Does she feel truly taken care of?
I encourage you to ask her those questions today.
Whether or not you feel as if your wife deserves it or has “earned” it, you are called to love her as your own body and as your own life. You take good care of yourself, right? You take care of your needs and desires — in the same way, care for your wife’s financial, emotional and physical needs and desires. Loving your wife above your work, your hobbies, your other family members (including your mom!) — choose her.
Choose her when you have the choice to choose other things. Every single day.
Discover the way that she feels the most loved (see “The Five Love Languages“) and love her with intention. Remember that although you may feel like you are continuously loving your wife, she may not feel loved in the same way that you are giving that love.
2. Take Notes
To “take notes” on your wife means to be considerate of her during the time that she is yours. Whether it be a mental note or literally writing notes down on your phone to keep them in mind, actively show her that you care about her hopes, dreams, concerns, fears and likes and dislikes with intentional listening and genuine engagement.
Ask real questions daily and take time to really hear her answers. If she feels loved by Gifts, take notes of something she mentions in passing and go back for it. If she feels loved by Acts of Service, take note of her least favorite tasks at home and serve her by doing those duties for her.