"I don’t know who this lady is... she waved at him and he made his way up to her. I thought their interaction would be the same as last time but I was wrong. "
"I felt the tug on my sleeve and looked down to find him standing motionless. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t make out his words. His quiet body in the noisy room caught me off guard. I bent down to find his voice."
Want ideas to teach your high school students some solid values? A coach in Pennsylvania may be the one to follow. This high school football coach cancelled practice and instead had his players shovel the driveways of elderly neighbors in the area.
A Community is Wowed by How the High School Football Coach Cancelled Practice to Help the Elderly
Bethel Park, Pennsylvania, part of the Pittsburgh metro area, is home to football coach and teacher, Brian DeLallo. But this coach apparently isn’t just about winning the game, he’s also about developing good humans.
How do we know that? The main reason is that last year, the high school football coach cancelled the team’s weightlifting practice so the kids could help the elderly neighbors in the area.
After a snowstorm had rolled through the area, the coach Tweeted a message to his students, “Due to expected severe weather, Monday’s weightlifting workout has been canceled. Find an elderly or disabled neighbor and shovel their driveway. Don’t accept any money. That’s our Monday workout.”
Normally, the kids would be meeting at 9am for weightlifting practice, but their coach had a different idea for them. And the fact that the high school football coach cancelled to have his students do this went viral. A local news network, WPXI, picked up the story, tweeting a video of some of the students in action:
I teared up doing this story!
The Bethel Park football coach told his players they weren’t doing a gym work out today — and instead instructed them to go shovel driveways for elderly neighbors.
Gabriella DeLuca, the person who Tweeted the story above said, “These guys took it seriously and are on their sixth driveway.”
When asked about why the high school football coach cancelled practice for this reason, DeLallo said, “It’s about community. We talk about in our program all the time, so this is another chance we have to go out and interact with our community in a positive way and show them that they’re important to us.”
DeLallo didn’t want to take credit for the idea, however. He told reporters that the head coach of Bethel Park High School for 25 years, Jeff Metheny, had originally thought of this idea, saying “We are simply carrying on one of the many great traditions he established.”
Wondering what the students thought of this idea? Click on.
When you see 4-year-old Leila Danai, the first thing you’ll probably notice is her incredibly bright smile. The preschooler is precociously adorable and spunky. Thanks to her mom, Mildred Munjanganja, she’s also full of self confidence.
When Leila started preschool, her mom knew that she would likely be one of the only black children in her class, so she had some conversations with Leila to prepare her for some comments other children might make. One conversation was about what kids might say about Leila’s hair. As bluntly honest preschoolers will do, one of Leila’s classmates eventually did put forth an opinion on her hairstyle.
Fortunately, Leila had listened to and remembered what her mother said about how others might notice that her hair is different.
A recently viral TikTok video Mildred took of Leila shows what her intelligent daughter did when that moment came. In the video, Leila relays to her mom what went down when a boy at school straight up told her that he didn’t like her hair.
@leiladanai I love hearing about Leila’s day! Today she shared how her classmate didn’t like her hair and she replied ‘well I like it!’ – I have never been more proud! I am glad she didnt need anyone’s validation to feel complete, she knew she loved her hairstyle and that’s what mattered. She stood up for herself, she confidently and honestly communicated her point of view and she didn’t allow someone else to affect her self confidence. I am so proud of her – at 3.5years she stood up for herself and didn’t allow the ent to affect her. We will continue to have a democratic household where her opinion matters! We will continue not forcing to do things she does not want to do and allowing her to speak her mind. I will continue to listen, to guide and be an excellent example. I am so proud of Leila! Strong women, may we be them, may we know them, may we raise them! . . . . . . . . . #kidsselfconfidence#diversity#blackhair#blackkidshairstyles#toddler#momanddaughter#toddlerlife#modelface♬ original sound – Leila Danai
She tells her mother in an adorably excited voice that she responded back to him positively. “I said, ‘I like it!'”
She continues on with her story, energetically telling her mom: “He said, ‘I don’t like that hair — it’s crazy. And I said, ‘My mommy made it. And if you don’t like it, I’ll keep it for myself.”
“I’ll keep it for myself.” YES GIRL!!!
The video is enough to melt the hardest heart into a puddle, and I highly recommend you watch it! Leila’s ecstatic smile and contagious confidence will make your whole day.
Equally sweet is Mildred’s joyful affirmation of her daughter’s response. You can hear the pride in her voice as she tells Leila, “Oh, baby! I’m so proud of you! You stood up for yourself. That’s what matters. What matters is that you like it — it’s your hair.”
In an interview with TODAY.com, Mildred said that her daughter’s emotional intelligence has always been advanced. “She’s always been very emotionally mature and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t modify my language for Leila. I talk to her as if I would an adult — we just talk about age appropriate things,” Munjanganja says. “My goal is to prepare her to navigate the world around her because I can’t always be there to protect her.”
Although the TikTok video only shows us a snippet of Leila’s life, I can’t help but think that this little powerhouse is going to grow up to do big things! A child who knows their worth is not found in the eyes of others is already several big steps ahead in life, and I sincerely hope this isn’t the last the internet hears of little Leila Danai.
As a child I loved nothing more than a sleepover at Grandma’s house with my cousins. I was fortunate enough to have two grandmas who lived less than 30 minutes from me, and plenty of cousins to gather with. Every Christmas Eve you could find me and my cousins at my paternal grandparents’ house for a sleepover and every New Year’s Eve (and countless weekends the rest of the year) you could find me and my cousins at my maternal grandma’s house. Those were truly the best of times. As a 46-year-old woman, I would give just about anything to be able to do it again. Both of my grandmothers are in heaven now, having both lived until the age of 95. It is one of the great joys of my life that I had them for so long.
Being a sentimental granddaughter who misses her grandparents at Christmas especially, I was thrilled to see a recent trend being recorded on TikTok of adult grandchildren surprising their grandparents with “adult grandkid sleepovers.” I say YES, YES, and YES to this trend! Let’s keep it going!
One lucky grandma, Pam Fair, 67 told TODAY.com about her experience as the recipient of one of these surprise grandkid sleepovers. She says she was sitting at home in Tupelo, Mississippi on December 20th when she got the surprise of her life: her three adult grandkids at her door in pajamas holding sleeping bags, ready to party.
“My daughter Brandi had mentioned that my grandkids wanted to come by that night but (they didn’t) so I washed my makeup off and put on my pajamas,” she told TODAY.com. “Then the doorbell rang.”
Daughter Brandi popped by to record Fair’s delight as her grandkids Madelyn, 23, Sydney, 21, and Jakob, 23, showed up, and she posted the video to TikTok with the caption, “Surprised their Nana with a sleepover. They haven’t done this since they were little.”
Brandi says Pam’s eyes went wide when she saw that her grandkids were prepared to stay the whole night at Nana’s, just like old times. “She was so excited,” she told TODAY.
Brandi went on to say that when she used to work nights as a nurse, sleepovers at Nana Pam’s and Paw-Paw Larry’s were a common occurrence. But she adds that her mom has been lonely since Larry passed away due to kidney cancer in 2012. An overnight visit from her adult grandchildren was just what she needed this holiday season.
The kids spent the evening playing bingo and looking at old family photos with Nana, and in the morning she treated them to a breakfast of biscuits and gravy. Brandi says she knows this precious memory will stay with her mom forever.
“She said, ‘I will never forget this,” Brandi reported.
Well done to those grandkids and all the others that have copied this TikTok video and done the same thing. Cherishing your grandparents while you can is the smartest of moves, because I can tell you from experience that once you lose the opportunity to go to Grandma’s house, you will definitely want it back.
This weekend I read Maddi Runkles’ story: How she discovered she was pregnant her senior year of high school, confessed to her school, and consequential to the sexual sin that caused the pregnancy was not allowed to attend classes or walk in their graduation (though she did receive a diploma). I then read the statement by Heritage Academy – why they dealt with a pregnant student in the manner they did.
I want to preface this post by saying Maddi has my utmost compassion and respect. If she should read this, I hope she’ll know this is not aimed at her or the sin for which she has already repented. I also believe Heritage Academy did what they thought best in the situation, and I’ve been told they have previously expelled students for sexual immorality (which is what the statement declared was the cause of Maddi’s discipline). If there is proof otherwise (or proof thereof), feel free to share it with me.
But there is a big lesson in this conversation that everyone – those on the Heritage side and those on Maddi’s – is missing. It precedes Maddi’s pregnancy and the school’s disciplinary decisions, and it affects Christian schools and parents all over the world.
What social media opinions ignore is this: A pregnant student is not the problem.
The problem is how these schools, churches, and parents are approaching sexual sin.
PURITY IS NOT A PAPER TO SIGN
Maddi, like the author of the famous “I Waited Until My Wedding Night and Regret It” post, signed a commitment to refrain from sexual immorality while attending Heritage Academy. Other churches, schools, and families call this a “purity pledge”.
The reality? Purity pledges are useless without intentional sexual discipleship. Anyone can sign a paper. Not everyone will live it out.
Purity is not a paper to sign, a list of rules, or even boundaries in dating. Purity is a heart attitude that longs for relationship with God more than it longs for sin. You can neither force nor enforce that attitude without consistent spiritual and sexual discipleship.
Heritage and schools like it need standards; I get that. There needs to be a boundary. But if you’re basing those boundaries on biblical principles, you need to follow through in a biblical way. This requires MORE than punishing sexual sin. It means learning how to prevent it. And the surprising truth is that more rules and chaperones don’t prevent sexual sin; they just drive it underground.
So if rules won’t free students from sexual sin, what will? Transformed hearts.
Until the seat of a student’s will and emotions undergoes a radical transformation, they will continue to be overcome by their sexual desires. It doesn’t matter if that student calls herself a Christian; it doesn’t matter if she’s volunteering in nursery, singing on the worship team, and sitting in church every Sunday. Until she submits herself to the power of the Holy Spirit and follows His voice, sexual sin is only one temptation away.
Changes hearts produce pure lives; nothing else can. A student can be perfectly “pure” by external standards with a heart tarnished by arrogance and legalism. A student can possess a past marred by porn and extramarital sex, but in a single turn of repentant heart be declared wholly pure by the power of God. This is the amazing grace of redemption!
So when schools and churches try to force purity through programs and pledges, they shouldn’t be surprised by the Maddis among them. Yes, each student is responsible for his or her sexual choices. But how those students are taught to think about sexuality has everything to do with that choice.
The fault is not entirely the school’s – nor is it the church’s. Christian parents are failing to teach sexuality to their kids.
Every single day I receive emails from young women whose parents never gave them a sex talk. These are children raised in the church. These same young women now possess histories of porn use, masturbation addiction, and extramarital sex. This doesn’t happen overnight! It is a gradual exposure to worldly sexuality because no one else spoke up.
Parents are the FIRST STOP regarding biblical sexuality. If you don’t talk about this, the world will! Our culture is waiting to disciple young people in their version of sexuality. When you refuse to rise to the challenge, instead outsourcing your child’s sex ed to the school, church, and world, you just created a vacuum of sexual ignorance. In less time than you think, that void will be filled with everything the world has to offer your daughter.
And five years from now she’ll email me, begging for someone to talk to, someone to listen, someone to tell her how to be free.
And where were you?
The solution is simple, but not easy. You need to talk about sex sooner – in elementary school, in stages that they can understand. And the conversation should not end until your child walks down the aisle into the arms of their spouse. You are the safe place for your child’s sexuality. When you give up that place to anything else, you’re shortchanging your child.
It’s not too late to change. Stop outsourcing to the school and church and disciple your children. Teach them what biblical sexuality is. Show them their body has value. Don’t use rules and fear to accomplish this – look at how God disciples us! This is a continual conversation centered on grace, driven by love for Christ, motivated by the Holy Spirit – resulting in holiness.
The comments on Maddi’s testimony were often characterized by a well-meaning phrase: “Why punish her further? Isn’t her pregnancy enough?” And here’s another dark side of the church’s approach to sexual sin: until it’s “proven” through something as obvious as pregnancy, no one says much. And once pregnancy occurs, that is the girl’s “punishment”. What?! Pro-life churches treat pregnancy as a punishment?
Pregnancy is the natural, intended outcome of sex. It is NOT a punishment, and talking about it as such enforces the idea that the only REAL problem with sexual sin is the possibility of getting pregnant – not the reality that it grieves God. This continues a fear-driven, underground approach to sexuality, where you’re free to “mess around” as long as the consequence isn’t visible.
When we’re discussing this issue, it usually dissolves into one of two complaints: The church’s constraining view of sexuality or Maddi’s rightful consequences for her sexual sin. And as people go to Facebook-war over these issues, they fail to ask themselves: Why did this happen in the first place?
Maddi made a choice that ended in pregnancy. She then made a choice to support her baby’s life.
There are many girls just like Maddi walking the halls of Christian schools, but they don’t have a baby bump to shame them. They’ll go to class. They’ll walk at graduation. And purity will be that paper they signed freshman year and a condom wrapper on her floor of her car. She’ll be the “good Christian girl” to everyone watching, while she’s dying inside at her own hypocrisy – never forced to face it like Maddi was, because a baby never appeared on the scene.
THIS is the real problem.
Am I saying that Maddi shouldn’t have had consequences for her sexual immorality? Absolutely not – if they were the same consequences any other student at that school would receive for sexual sin. Am I saying that students can blame their parents for their sexual decisions? Nope, not that either.
Girls and boys will still make choices. But we can DO something about the choices they make. What if young people were actively discipled in what holiness is – a heart change driven by the Spirit, not “good girl” actions?
What if they had the support of a school and church who partnered with parents in talking about God’s design for sex, not just His list of “don’ts”?
What if we cut it out with the purity pledges and looked into their eyes and asked them: “Are you struggling with porn?”
What if we – the Church – were the ones who removed the stigma of shame from sexuality?
What if WE were their safe place?
They won’t come on their own. They’re terrified. They’re ashamed. They think they’re the only ones struggling.
We have to go to them.
And for those ready to receive and repent, we offer them hope like Jesus did:
“Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.” (John 8:10-11)
I want to share with you an awesome experience I had in the Colorado House of Representatives on May 8. It is a humbling experience to look back and realize that God used me to play a role in His divine orchestration.
I was leaving the House chambers for the weekend when our Democrat speaker of the House announced that the coming Monday would be the final day of this year’s General Assembly. He went on to state that there were still numerous resolutions on the calendar which we would need to be addressed prior to the summer adjournment. Interestingly, he specifically mentioned that one of the resolutions we would be hearing was being carried by the House Majority Leader Alice Madden, honoring the 90th anniversary of Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains.
As a strong pro-life legislator I was disgusted by the idea that we would pass a resolution honoring this 90-year legacy of genocide. I drove home that night wondering what I could say that might pierce the darkness during the debate on this heinous resolution.
On Saturday morning, I took my 8-year-old son up to the mountains to go white-water rafting. The trip lasted all day. As we were driving home, exhausted and hungry, I remembered that I had accepted an invitation to attend a fundraising dinner that night for a local pro-life organization. One of my most respected mentors had personally called me several weeks earlier and asked me to attend, so I knew I’d have to clean up and head over.
After our meal, the executive director of the organization introduced the keynote speaker. I looked up and saw walking to the stage a handicapped young lady being assisted to the microphone by a young man holding a guitar.
Her name was Gianna Jessen.
Gianna said “Hello,” welcomed everyone, and then sang three of the most beautiful Christian songs I have ever heard.
She then began to give her testimony. When her biological mother was 17 years old and seven and a half months pregnant, she went to a Planned Parenthood clinic to have an abortion. As God would have it, the abortion failed and a beautiful two-pound baby girl was brought into the world. Unfortunately, she was born with cerebral palsy and the doctors thought that she would never survive. The doctors were wrong.
Imagine the timing! A survivor of a Planned Parenthood abortion arrived in town just days before the Colorado House of Representatives was to celebrate Planned Parenthood’s “wonderful” work.
As I listened to Gianna’s amazing testimony, the Lord inspired me to ask her if she could stay in Denver until Monday morning so that I could introduce her on the floor of the House and tell her story. Perhaps she could even begin the final day’s session by singing our country’s national anthem!
To my surprise she said she would seriously consider it. If she were to agree, she wanted her accompanying guitarist to stay as well. A lady standing in line behind me waiting to meet Gianna overheard our conversation and said that she would be willing to pay for the guitarist’s room. Gianna then said that she would think about it.
As I was driving home from the banquet, my cell phone rang. It was Gianna, and she immediately said, “I’m in, let’s ruin this celebration.” Praise God!
When Monday morning came, I awoke at 6 a.m. to write my speech before heading to the Capitol. As I wrote down the words, I could sense God’s help and I knew that this was going to be a powerful moment for the pro-life movement.
Following a committee hearing, I rushed into the House chambers just as the opening morning prayer was about to be given. Between the prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance, I wrote a quick note to the speaker of the House explaining that Gianna is an advocate for cerebral palsy. I took the note to the speaker and asked if I could have my friend open the last day of session by singing the national anthem. Without any hesitation the speaker took the microphone and said, “Before we begin, Representative Harvey has made available for us Gianna Jessen to sing the national anthem.”
Gianna sang the most amazing rendition of The Star Spangled Banner that you could possibly imagine. Every person in the entire chamber was completely still, quiet and in awe of this frail young lady’s voice.
Due to her cerebral palsy, Gianna often loses her balance, and shortly after starting to sing she grabbed my arm to stabilize herself, and I could tell that she was shaking. Suddenly, midway through the song, she forgot the words and began to hum and then said, “Please forgive me; I am so nervous.” She then immediately began singing again and every House member and every guest throughout the chambers began to sing along with her to give her encouragement and to lift her up.
As I looked around the huge hall I listened to the unbelievable melody of Gianna’s voice being accompanied by a choir of over 100 voices. I had chills running all over my body, and I knew that I had just witnessed an act of God.
As the song concluded the speaker of the House explained that Gianna has cerebral palsy and is an activist to bring awareness to the disease. “Let us give her a hand not only for her performance today, but also for her advocacy work,” he said. The chamber immediately exploded into applause—she had them all in the palm of her hand.
The speaker then called the House to order, and we proceeded as usual to allow members to make any announcements or introductions of guests. For dramatic effect, I waited until I was the last person remaining before I introduced Gianna.
As I waited for my turn, I nervously paced back and forth praying to God that he would give me the peace, confidence and the courage necessary to pull off what I knew would be one of the most dramatic and controversial moments of my political career.
While I waited, a prominent reporter from one of the major Denver newspapers walked over to Gianna and told her that her rendition captured the spirit of the national anthem more powerfully than any she had ever heard before.
Finally, I was the last person remaining. So, I proceeded to the microphone and began my speech.
“Members, I would like to introduce you to a new friend and hero of mine—her name is Gianna Jessen. She is visiting us today from Nashville, Tennessee, where she is an accomplished recording artist.
“She has cerebral palsy and was raised in foster homes before being adopted at the age of four.
“She was born prematurely and weighed only two pounds at birth. She remained in the hospital for almost three months. A doctor once said she had a great will to live and that she fought for her life. Eventually she was able to leave the hospital and be placed in foster care.
“Because of her cerebral palsy, her foster mother was told that it was doubtful that she would ever crawl or walk. She could not sit up independently. Through the prayers and dedication of her foster mother, she eventually learned to sit up, crawl, then stand. Shortly before her fourth birthday, she began to walk with leg braces and a walker.
“She continued in physical therapy and after a total of four surgeries, she was able to walk without assistance.
“She still falls sometimes, but she says she has learned how to fall gracefully after falling for 29 years.
“Two years ago, she walked into a local health club and said she wanted a private trainer. At the time her legs could not lift 30 pounds. Today she can leg press 200 pounds.
“She became so physically fit that she began running marathons to raise money and awareness for cerebral palsy. She just returned last week from England where she ran in the London Marathon. It took her more than eight and a half hours to complete. They were taking down the course by the time she made it to the finish line. But she made it, nonetheless. With bloody feet and aching joints, she finished the race.
“Members would you help me recognize a modern-day hero—Gianna Jessen?”
At this point the chamber exploded into applause which lasted for 15 to 20 seconds. Gianna had touched their souls.
Ironically, Alice Madden, the majority leader and sponsor of the Planned Parenthood resolution, walked over to Gianna and congratulated her.
As the applause began to die down, I raised my hand to be recognized one more time.
“Mr. Speaker, members, if you would allow me just a few more moments I would appreciate your time.
“My name is Ted Harvey, not Paul Harvey, but, please, let me tell you the rest of the story.
“The cause of Gianna’s cerebral palsy is not because of some biological freak of nature, but rather the choice of her mother.
“You see when her biological mother was 17 years old and seven and a half months pregnant, she went to a Planned Parenthood clinic to seek a late-term abortion. The abortionist performed a saline abortion on this 17-year-old girl. This procedure requires the injection of a high concentration of saline into the mother’s womb, which the fetus is then bathed in and swallows, which results in the fetus being burned to death, inside and out. Within 24 hours the results are normally an induced, still-born abortion.
“As Gianna can testify, the procedure is not always 100 percent effective. Gianna is an aborted late-term fetus who was born alive. The high concentration of saline in the womb for 24 hours resulted in a lack of oxygen to her brain and is the cause of her cerebral palsy.
“Members, today, we are going to recognize the 90th anniversary of Rocky Mountain Planned Parenthood…”
BANG! The gavel came down.
Just as I was finishing the last sentence of my speech—the climax of the morning—the speaker of the House gaveled me down and said, “Representative Harvey, I will allow you to continue your introduction, but not for the purposes of debating a measure now pending before the House.”
At which point I said,
“Mr. Speaker, I understand. I just wanted to put a face to what we are celebrating today.”
Silence.
Deafening silence.
I then walked back to my chair shaking like a leaf. The Democrats wouldn’t look at me. They were fuming. It was beautiful. I have been in the Legislature for five tough years, and this made it all worthwhile.
The House majority leader wouldn’t talk to me the rest of the day.
Was it because I introduced an abortion survivor, or was it because we touched her soul? She could congratulate an inspirational cerebral palsy victim and advocate, but was outraged when she discovered that the person she congratulated was also an abortion survivor.
The headline in The Denver Post the next day read “Abortion Jab Earns Rebuke.” The majority leader is quoted as saying, “I think it was amazingly rude to use a human being as an example of his personal politics.”
Yes, Representative Madden, Gianna Jessen is a human being. She was when she was in her mother’s womb, and she was when she sang the national anthem on the floor of the Colorado House of Representatives.
The paper went on to quote Gianna, stating she was glad I told her story.
“We need to discuss the humanity of it. I’m glad to be able to speak up for children in the womb,” she said. “If abortion is about women’s rights, where were my rights?”
All I can say is, “Glory to God!” He orchestrated it all, every minute of it, and I was so honored to have been chosen to play a part. May we all continue to be filled with and to fight for the passion of our Lord Jesus Christ!
About the Author: Ted Harvey served as a pro-life legislator for the state of Colorado. He was elected to the Colorado State Senate in 2006 and resigned in 2014 due to term limits. If you would like to contact Ted, he can be reached at ted@tedharvey.com.
We pulled up quickly and efficiently into the darkened parking lot in our cozy and warm minivan. As I put our family vehicle into park I heard a tiny voice emerge from the backseat.
My [4]-year-old sputtered, “I don’t like it here.”
I sighed silently to myself, then spoke softly, “it’s ok. This isn’t where we’re going. We’re going over there.”
I pointed across the street to a brightly lit and inviting church. We were attending a much-anticipated social event where the girls would see their friends from the homeschool group we were involved with. At the beginning of this semester, my preschooler had cried when left alone in class with new friends, but by the end, she had made new pals and truly enjoyed herself. I knew this was something she wanted to do too, but still…
She asked, “Is it on the bottom floor or do we have to ride an elevator?”
“It’s on the top, but just one floor, and we’ll take the stairs,” I answered calmly.
I wasn’t always calm. It was not only challenging to raise an anxious child but also exasperating. I ranged from wanting to throttle her during her meltdown moments to wanting to cry right along with her for my supposed failures. After all, so many times I had wondered, what did I do that has made her this way?!!
Why Is My Child Anxious?
Did I not give her enough attention when the new baby came?
Was I somehow lacking in the love she needed to make her feel secure?
Was it that time I screamed like a maniac at her?
The mommy guilt had been strong over the last couple of years as I watched her quirky, unwarranted fears come out. I couldn’t for the life of me pinpoint why my first child was so social and confident, yet the second that I had raised the same was so not. I tried not to compare, but as she developed her peculiar fears I questioned my parenting over and over. What had I done differently and why was she afraid? No abuse, neglect, or negative treatment by anyone else had occurred.
So why did she ask me if I knew where we were every time I took a different route to the store?
“Are we lost?”
Why was she afraid of going anywhere that the door could latch shut?
Did that one time she got accidentally locked in the bathroom upstairs really equate to crying in the dressing room at JCPenney’s because she was worried we’d get stuck there?!
“What if we can’t get out?!!”
I wasn’t sure why my child worried, but many times she reminded me of myself. She had a tendency to overreact and definitely was oversensitive in most matters. From an early age, I had noticed she cried about something as simple as a shoe not going on right, but she hadn’t really [outgrown] it like I thought she would. I came to realize she was my special, sensitive, and sometimes anxious child that required a different kind of approach when it came to parenting.
As we walked into the large hall at the church my [7]-year-old ran excitedly ahead to greet her friends. My toddler tugged at my hand eager to taste the display of sweet treats, but I sensed the anxiety immediately. I turned quickly behind me where my middle daughter stood a mere two steps behind me, and immediately I caught the overwhelmed fear on her face. She was only seconds away from crying, and I scooped her up quickly into my one open arm. I carried my crew to an empty corner and started to speak to my frightened [4]-year-old.
“Is it the crowd? Are you scared?” I asked.
She nodded confirmation with unspilled tears in her eyes, and I immediately worked to calm her anxious heart.
“You don’t have to be afraid. I’m here. And Jesus is always with you,” I explained. And then we prayed together.
Within minutes she was fine, and that’s always how it was. She ran around excitedly with the other children. She laughed, she sang, she danced. She played and ate cookies. She was fear and anxiety free for the rest of the evening. I watched with pride as she smiled brilliantly, albeit shyly at the festivities. She was my beautiful, brilliant girl. Her heart was bigger than Texas, and she loved people with an enormous, unconditional love. But sometimes she was anxious. It was hard for us both.
My Anxious Child Is Special
Long ago I realized my baby was special, more so than just the typical “my kid is awesome kinda thing.” I think God made her a particular way because He has special plans for her life. Perhaps He made her sensitive so she could better relate to the tender and hurting parts of others. Sometimes I see her thoughtfully watching people and I’m certain this is true. When the idea of this post was floating around in my head I paused mid-thought at the sound of my girl across the house. I could hear the water running in the bathroom, and I could hear her tiny, musical voice carry through the hall. She was talking to one of her toys again, I assumed, seeing she had always been an imaginative, independent player. I walked up to the bathroom and heard her speaking from inside.
I don’t want anything for Christmas, God, but all the people to be happy.
I love you, God, more than money or anything you can buy.
I walked back into the living room without interrupting her little conversation, smiling as I sat down on the couch. I prayed for that child a lot, that is certainly true. Heck, a lot of the time I simply prayed for my own sanity dealing with it all. But mostly I prayed to be just the mother she needed. I figured God gave her specifically to me for a reason, and despite the challenges, I certainly didn’t want to mess it up. So I frequently prayed for wisdom that God would show me exactly the best way to parent this special little star. Sometimes she freaked out big over little things, but other times she loved the little things bigger than I had ever seen.
*While I might experience some silent judgment or even unloving advice from some for this post, I wrote it in a sharing mode with the hope that my situation might make someone else with an anxious child feel less alone. I hope that you too can see the special calling the Lord has for your child. May we all raise them to the best of our abilities, and cling to His strength for the rest.
You have to walk into this new year as if it’s a new season of life. You can’t allow what went down this past year to predict or influence what’s coming up. You’re not your past, nor your prior mistakes. You’re not how people have treated you or who they’ve tried to define you as. You are a child of God, and as part of your inheritance, your Heavenly Father is delivering you a fresh start for this year. In this season, allow Him to define who you are, to provide what you need, and to guide you through it all.
2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
In this new season, I want you to take your eyes off your circumstances and place them on Jesus. Don’t look to the left or to the right. Don’t be distracted by the size of the battle. Instead, remember who you fight for. Your God controls every battlefield. The One who controls the wind and the waves, He will fight for you. He will provide for you. You don’t have to do it alone this new year. He is making the way and providing all you need.
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert.”
Just because you can’t see a change coming, that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. The Lord wants you to live your best life, in Him, this year. To do this, He needs your total surrender and commitment. Don’t seek a solution. Seek His face. Dive into the truths of His Word. Press onward, trusting God and the promises found for you in scripture. It’s okay if you haven’t sought Him in the past for your life. Seek Him now. Begin living each day for Christ, and He will lead you to new heights with Him this year.
Philippians 3:13
“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.”
God is not disappointed in you. He rejoices over you with singing. You are His child, and He loves you dearly. Nothing is unknown to Him! Before He even formed you in your mother’s womb, He knew the mistakes you would make and the problems you would face. He is calling to you now to come to Him, despite your faults, and to trust that He has a plan for your life. Yes, you! His plans are for your good future. He loves you that much.
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
This can be the year you lay down worry. This can be the year to tell anxiety that it’s gotta go. This can be the year that you stop trying in your own power and that you start allowing God to take control. How do you do this?!
Start simply by asking Him to take control of your new year ahead. Then follow by seeking Him consistently in each new day. When you wake, speak to Him—even if you don’t hear Him answering back! He loved you first. Now it’s your turn, and when you love someone, you talk to them. Build a relationship by talking regularly with the Lord. Tell Him your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your worries, and your gratitude.
As you seek the Lord in conversation and relationship, you will feel more comfortable placing your trust in Him.
Grab the Bible. Read some every day—even if you can’t understand it all at first. Ask your Father to reveal His truth for your life through scripture.
Seek and you will find. Knock and He will answer. Commit to seeking Him through His Word. Then watch your life change.
When you have a problem, seek the Lord. Speak to Him about it. Pray for His guidance, and read the Bible for your answer. When you have a worry, hand it over to Him by bringing it to Him in prayerful conversation. Tell your Abba Father that you can’t fix it, but you believe He can. Believe it, and then watch what He does.
Celebrate your small victories with Him. Write them down. Tell Him thank you. Focus on the positive things in your life, and pray about the rest. Speak life into your day. Speak scripture out loud. Speak positively about yourself.
You’re not old, fat, or bad at your job. You’re a child of the Most High God, created in His image to do great things for His kingdom. He fashioned you according to His will, so be excited for the life He has destined for you as you seek that will.
Trust Him this new year to take you to new heights with Him and in your life. Seek and you will find. You were made for so much more than this. Step into the New Year with a passion for His purposes for you!
Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
After moving from Santa Rosa, California, to Waikiki, Hawaii, for school, Cayla Chandara found herself stuck in a place she never thought she’d be in. With student loan debt piling up, and the cost of living proving to be too much for a full-time college student, Cayla put everything on hold to earn the money she needed to stay debt-free.
That meant taking time off from school to work double shifts at the local Cheesecake Factory and Noi Thai Cuisine. She hoped to return to school one day, but for now, balancing her two jobs is where Cayla needed to be.
That is—until one day when she waited on a group of strangers who changed her circumstance with just one meal.
While waiting tables at Noi Thai Cuisine, Cayla had the pleasure of serving a couple and a 10-year-old girl who were visiting from Australia.
They made conversation with Cayla—asking what brought her to Hawaii, and what her plans are for the future.
Thinking the customers were just being nice, the 21-year-old waitress told them about school, and how she hopes to earn enough money to return one day.
Soon enough, they finished their meals and left.
When Cayla retrieved their $200 tab from the table, she was SHOCKED to see the tip they’d left.
A typical 20 percent tip on $200 would be $40. But the customers intentionally added an extra zero, leaving Cayla with a jaw-dropping tip of $400. TWICE as much as their entire meal cost!
“I was then at a loss for words and all I wanted to do was hug them,” Cayla told CBS News.
“Tears streaming. No words at all. Just hugs.”
Desperate to tell them thank you, Cayla recalled where the customers had told her they were staying, and made a special trip to their hotel after her shift.
“I genuinely wanted to say thank you,” she said. “I sent a thank you letter saying how much it meant to me.”
Cayla left her note with the front desk, thinking she’d never see the tourists ever again.
Until they showed up at her restaurant again the following night. This time, the tourists had a different tip in mind.
They told Cayla they would like to give her $10,000 to pay off her student loans and contribute to her continued education.
As you can imagine, the California native was at a loss for words. Who just decides to give a random stranger TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS?!
“I initially told them I couldn’t take that offer, but they insisted that it would be just as great for them to do it for me,” Cayla explained.
Because of their generosity, the Business major plans to return to school in the fall. Cayla asked how she could ever repay them for their kindness.
“They told me the best way to thank them is to be my best possible self, dream big and strive for my goals.”
Cayla says their generosity has done so much more than provide a way for her to return to school.
“They have truly changed my life, not only financially but in the way I look at things. They are the most beautiful and kind-hearted people I’ve come across and I really look up to them and I can’t wait until they watch me graduate.”
She hopes her story of the strangers who tipped her $10,400 serves as a positive reminder that there really are great people in the world.
It’s that time of year again! When everyone laces up their new runners, purges all of the leftover Christmas sweets to “get serious” about their new year’s resolutions.
For many, it’s a time to “start fresh,” “get healthy” and take advantage of a “clean slate.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m fixin’ to get in shape with the best of them this year. But I have some new year’s resolutions that I hope to make priority over my lousy attempt at running a mile every day.
Being a Millennial Mom, I know that the future of our world rests on my generation’s ability to share the gospel and introduce others to Jesus. So, while being fab, fit and fun in 2024 sounds tempting, here are Seven New Year’s Resolutions that will actually leave a lasting effect on your year.
7 New Year’s Resolutions
Boldness
This isn’t the type of boldness that comes from a Lumineers music video. Our generation tends to gravitate to this “YOLO” (yes, I did just use the 2012 word of the year) mentality. Running away from responsibility and falling in love, or doing something juvenile in the moment “because it feels right,” should not be mistaken for boldness.
Romans 8:31 says, “If God is for us who can ever be against us?” God calls each of us to be bold—to speak out in courage for what is true and righteous. To be bold means to go against the grain, to step out in faith and to lead in ways that honor the Lord.Boldness comes from your confidence in Jesus Christ. I pray that 2024 is a year that we, as Christians, and Millennials, will go boldly in the direction that God has called us to.
Heartbreak
If you’ve ever had your heart broken by a person, you know that it’s a feeling you would never wish on anyone. So it probably sounds silly that I would hope to be heartbroken this year.
But, having your heart break for what breaks Jesus’ heart…that’s something that will CHANGE THE WORLD.
I pray that in 2024 you would let God break your heart for what breaks His. For the hurt, for the lost, for the broken, for the children, for the homeless, for the rich, for the disabled, for your fellow brothers and sisters who desperately need the love of an all-knowing and all-consuming savior.
In turn, I pray it sets a fire deep in your soul, and you remain forever changed. Heartbreak this year is one of the big resolutions we should all be striving for.
Connection
Not a wireless one.
Connection is everything. We long to know and be known, all while living in a microwave society where we can have just about anything at the click of a button. Literally. Amazon just released those.
In 2024 I hope to have a connection that can’t be found in the newest piece of technology. A connection to God with prayer, connection to others with authenticity, and a dis-connection from the latest Netflix original series that allows me to procrastinate the connections my heart longs for.
My heart longs to be closer with Jesus and with those who He’s strategically placed in my life at this very moment. As a Christian Millennial, I would bet that you long for the same. I pray that 2024 is a year of connectedness.
Journalism
Growing up as the ’90s kid that I am, I remember everyone from Lizzie McGuire to Amanda Bynes having a super secret diary that could NEVER been seen by anyone EVER! And of course, the one person to always read it was a sneaky little brother.
In 2024 I want to have a diary, but not one that’s private. I guess as an adult, we call that a journal. There are a lot of times that things in life don’t feel like they’re going right. The best thing to reflect on during those times is a journal of the incredible ways that God has already gone before you and blessed you, pulled you out of a mess and saved you.
Start with a simple list. Write down 25 things that you are thankful God has done. It can be anything from breathing to the job you have the privilege of working. I bet you’ll find that 25 lines isn’t enough. Not even close.
Don’t keep your journal private. Use it to give God praise, to help others, to revel in the Lord’s miracles—big and small—and to look back on when you feel far from God.
Take this year to write. Document. Blog. Do whatever it is that will let you live in constant reminder of the valleys you’ve survived, the mountains you’ve climbed and the UNBELIEVABLE love that God delivers every time. You will NOT be disappointed.
Health
I know, I know, this is on everyone’s list of resolutions, but this one is different. Health is not limited to a treadmill routine and kale for lunch. In 2024, I pray that you would have a healthy heart, a healthy mind and a healthy spiritual life.
Having a healthy heart sounds easy to do, but Lord knows this life is hard. Satan knows how to use the junk of this world to make your heart hard. DON’T LET HIM. Keep your heart healthy by letting things go and forgiving others. Focus your efforts on God—not the pain and hurt of this world—and release your heart of anger and resentment. Holding tight to that junk is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person.
Build a healthy spiritual life with the foundation of a healthy heart, a longing for connectedness and a discipline of seeking the Lord, daily.
And for goodness sake, get your mind healthy this year by getting Satan’s lies OUT OF IT. James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, with whom there is no change or shifting shadow.”
Those nasty thoughts you have about yourself, the criticisms you repeat without hesitation…they ARE NOT FROM GOD. So make it one of your resolutions to get them out of your mind before they destroy you.
See, 2024 can be a healthy year, without even lacing up a pair of running shoes.
Authenticity
The older I get, the more I find that authentic people are difficult to come by.
I don’t think it’s their fault. I know that Satan is really good at convincing people that they are not enough. As a result, people have become really good at working too hard at “being enough,” and losing everything that makes them authentic. I’m just as guilty of this.
I pray that 2024 would be a year of authenticity. That you and I would strip ourselves of what we think we need to “be” for others, and trade it for what God has made us to be—authentically me, authentically you.
When we are authentic and real, we find community that is also authentic and real. Being that we long to belong, I believe that authenticity is the only place to start. Go be you.
Inclusivity
Y’all, the church has a bad rep when it comes to exclusivity. It’s easy to say “come as you are,” and then turn around and judge someone for doing just that. I know, I’ve done it.
I pray that in 2024 we would be inclusive. That we wouldn’t judge people based on their appearance or past, but that we would love them the way Jesus does.
Christ didn’t hang out with the righteous. He was in community with the liars, cheaters, adulterers and outcasts. If we are to live a life like Christ, then it is a privilege to be inclusive.
I usually like to entertain the idea of new year’s resolutions, and like the rest of the world, I usually suck at keeping them. The good news is, there are 52 Mondays in a year to “start fresh,” and 365 days in a year to start over. I pray that my 2024, and yours, is packed-full of every single one of these. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
In a world where many marriages end with hatred, and one might assume a letter to my ex-wife might display this type of attitude, but not all marriages have to end like that. Here is my goodbye letter to my wife, after divorce:
To be honest, it was surreal. When we came to this decision months ago, I felt like the world had ended. In truth, I was afraid of what life would look like now without you. But now, standing here, it seems much more survivable. I read a German proverb once that said, “Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.” And I was truly afraid of life without you. You have been the one constant person in my life for so long. In fact, longer than any other person on earth. You are the voice in my head. I owe you so much for these last 20 years. So I thought I’d let you know a few things on this first day of our new relationship. I know it’s weird writing this to you on this day, but life speeds by and there is simply no time to leave the right words unspoken. That’s why I wanted to write this letter to my ex-wife, which I will now have to call you. So allow me to share a few of my thoughts and feelings from today with you…
My goodbye letter to my wife, after divorce, included what I wanted to say face-to-face.
• You deserve an award for making it 20 years with a man like me.
We both know I’m not easy to love. I’m beyond driven, don’t sleep much, make jokes in every situation and you could always count on me to misbehave. (Is this something you expected in my letter to my ex-wife?) I have taken more [than] my fair share of risks over our years together. That’s the problem with being married to a person who pursues dreams. You get dragged into adventures you never signed up for. I realized too late that many of my dreams became nightmare situations for you. My passions have always driven me. And that my heart is all about pursuing new things and bold plans. In many ways, my life is like a room full of dynamite… and I sit in that room playing with matches far too often. But hang in there…you were always ready with your southern charm and classy manners to correct my brash nature and follow me into another venture. I realize now that even though we had some real success, it took a toll on those I loved. For that, I am truly sorry.
• Statistically, this was a good decision.
We both know that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce…but the other 50 percent end in DEATH! So we really dodged a bullet there.
• You are an AWESOME mom.
Your kindness and love for our children is, perhaps, the single most beautiful thing about you. You will never fully know how much I studied your example while we raised these kiddos. You somehow breathe out love and they breathe it in.
• I want you to be happy.
You deserve to be happy. Being married and also “in ministry” is often a nightmare. The pressures of having a good marriage [make] having an authentic one a real struggle. Honestly, I’m happy you don’t have to deal with that anymore. For me, I know this is what I must do with my life. But you deserve a much more peaceful life and I’m excited you get that.
• For the record, I would have married you all over again…even if I knew it would end like this.
Yes, we have three amazing kids out of this, but even if there was no Chloe, Titus, and Silas…I still would have picked you. I’m a better and different person today because of you. I cannot imagine going through life without any real time with you. That’s one reason you deserve this letter to my ex-wife.
• You need to stay off WebMD.
Headaches are rarely brain cancer. I mean it. It’s SUPER rare! You can be stubborn and ornery. People like you live longer than everyone you know. Let death be a surprise when it arrives. Enjoy the many years you have in front of you.
• You can’t get me to stop loving you.
I honestly tried to convince my heart to hate you for a while. It didn’t take. You’re just too good of a person. The one thing that surprised me about our desperation was how easy it was to just be friends again. For us, that’s where “we” started. And so I’m happy that that’s where we are ending. As great friends. I love that we still talk about our kids, life, plans, movies, music and what famous person died. It feels normal to me.
• I’ll always be here to help you in any way you need.
I love that you’re going to school and exploring new avenues for your journey through life. I’m always going to be around in case you need help…because I’m a fan. Always will be.
• If our divorce has taught me one thing it’s this: If I had known it was going to end after 20 years, I would have absolutely done more sit-ups.
Dating again is going to be interesting. But my friend signed me up for something called Grindr so I’m sure I’ll have a lot of dates soon (joking).
• I’m not stupid. I know a woman like you will not be alone long.
You are too easy to love. And I want you to know that I will be a fan of whomever you choose to love again. I will, no doubt, share embarrassing stories about you with them whenever I can. But that’s to be expected because I can be a real tool!
Everyone warned me about the toddler years. The “terrible twos.” The tantrums. The tears. Thetesting of boundaries. All the dramatics.
And right now, we’re in it. We have officially entered the toddler years. It’s fair to say that I have been thoroughly warned in every which way of the tantrums and the fits. It’s the demanding, independent, but also so needy, sometimes defiant, tantrum stage. You name it, it’s happening in this house. Most have told me this is the most “trying” stage yet.
But let me tell you a little secret about this “trying stage” we’re in right now. This stage…this “terrible two” stage? It’s my favorite so far. It’s your daddy’s favorite, too.
Because it’s THIS stage where you first said the words, “lub you too, mommy.”
It’s this stage when you found the fun in wrestling daddy to the ground in the living room, laughter radiating throughout the entire house.
It’s this stage where you reach for mommy’s hand while watching cartoons, then turn towards her and give her a sweet smile.
It’s this stage where you grab daddy’s face and pull his entire body in for a kiss right on the lips.
It’s this stage where you sing at the top of your lungs in your car seat to all of your favorite songs.
It’s this stage where you tell everyone you see at the store “happy birthday!”…because you’re just so excited for your own birthday party.
Now don’t get me wrong, this stage can be so hard. The days can feel long, the tears can seem endless. But the secret no one told me about the toddler years, is how much I could absolutely love it. Nobody warned me about the {beauty} within the terrible twos.
Sweet boy, daddy and I lay in bed at night and talk about how much we want to freeze you… freeze time. We want to freeze your sweet voice, your “still so chubby” thighs, your relentless love, your rambunctious personality. We even want to freeze your tantrums and your tears.
Because soon enough, you’re going to grow up and you won’t cry over mommy taking 2 minutes to use the restroom. You won’t throw a fit over daddy grabbing “the wrong cup” for you at supper time.
Instead, your heart will face grown up hurts. You’ll experience some of life’s hardest trials on your own. The days of crying over spilled milk will be gone. So instead of wishing the hard days away, wishing for time to speed up…I don’t want to even for a second wish these toddler years away. Because these toddler years, these terrible twos….They’re my favorite.
When I was in high school, I thought college would get me there. When I was single, I thought marriage would. When I was childless, I thought a baby was the answer. And as a military spouse, I have often thought the right location would push us over the edge to that magical place of complete bliss.
Don’t get me wrong, all of these things have enhanced my life and brought joy. But with each new milestone achieved, box checked, has also come new challenges, and sometimes disappointments and worst, heartache.
And I can’t help but think that it’s supposed to be this way.
I don’t think we are meant to feel complete here on earth, not because we have a God that is malicious, but it is this incompleteness that keeps us longing. Only, we are supposed to long for the things He longs for.
We can get caught up in trying to fill in the gaps with things that don’t matter, things that will only serve to bring temporary highs—diets, clothes, and grown-up toys, instead of substance.
But if we can get to this place where our incompleteness keeps us striving for the things that matter, I think that’s the closest we can hope to get to 100% this side of heaven.
If we fill the longing with being generous, if we fill it by bringing healing to this place, if we fill the longing with a relationship with Him instead of a relationship with worldly status—we realize no circumstance can ever fill in the gaps.
So, I have stopped thinking it’s the next step that will get me closer to happiness. And I’ve started to focus on where my feet are now, how can they get me closer to peace and purpose today, and the answer is always the same.
It’s always Him.”
**This post was written by Jillian Benfield and originally appeared on her Facebook page. See more from Jillian on her website.
