I was bombarded by thoughts of people in our hospice care I saw earlier that day. People who had every reason to want to die, trying to live as long as possible and the irony of someone who wanted to take his gift of life and crush it too soon. I cried until the water ran cold and my tears ran dry.
He ended up being found in a field in an adjoining state the next afternoon, confused and upset. He was taken by ambulance to the closest emergency room and as unstable as he was when I arrived, they turned him over to me. As hard as that night was, the subsequent years were worse. There were so many horrific moments, post suicide attempt, I contemplated how much easier it might have been if his life had ended. Therapy, counselors, diagnoses and medications became the center of our lives for awhile. He periodically decided to stop taking medicine and the instability eventually ended our marriage.
I realize it’s not “To Write Love on Her Arms” day. It’s not Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. There is nothing that links this specific day to suicide and that’s why I wrote this article. People don’t lose themselves a few times a year. It happens in the everyday life of people you wouldn’t anticipate.
Maybe a huge life altering thing happens and someone’s decision to end their life can be traced back to a moment that made their brain melt. Sometimes, however, it’s a quiet contemplative buildup. We need to be thinking about those around us who might be struggling every day. Look at your friends in the eyes and take stock. You might be the only one who sees something is off. You might be the only reason they take a step back to evaluate.
If someone comes to you and says, “Help me/us something is wrong.” You help them. Don’t you dare try and pacify them with the Christian cop out, “I’m praying”. Definitely pray for them but get off your God given bootie and stop hiding behind your self-satisfying spirituality and act. You physically get in front of their face and you pick them up and stay with them until they can manage life.
If someone reaches out to you they trust you. They see you as a strong capable warrior who might slay the dragon they are facing. Get a little dirty. You don’t want to know someone was crying out to you and you couldn’t be bothered. The night his parents told me they were praying for us, I shouldn’t have taken their decision so easily. I should have pushed harder. I should have been more persuasive.
I should have kept calling them back until they agreed to come. I needed other people standing outside that closet door that night telling him to come out and get help. I wonder if His mom ever thought about my call after the attempt. Did she have any regret? Did she ever think she could have been His voice of reason? If only we could have pulled together and stopped the clock for Him when it was just shoes in a closet…
If someone close to you is diagnosed with a mental issue and they are given medicine to help combat their symptoms, don’t allow them to say “I feel better. I don’t need those pills anymore.” Encourage them take them anyway as prescribed. If they are insistent they don’t need them, go with them to get a professional opinion.
In a story for another time, my ex husband took himself off his meds a few months later because he thought he didn’t need them any longer. Even though he never attempted suicide again to my knowledge, He crashed a second time. Completely unnecessary. I should have been a better watchdog for him.
If you find yourself thinking harmful thoughts, thoughts of destroying your life on earth, (or you think someone else is having odd thoughts), get to a licensed therapist or a counselor. Ask your pastor or trusted friends for recommendations and then use those to start your search.
Not everyone is going to be equipped to manage your issue and so if the fit feels off, keep looking. Find a professional you feel comfortable with who will strive to help you walk down whatever path you find yourself. Keep your appointments. Keep going to therapy until you have confirmation you are well. If you need someone to go with you or to keep you accountable, bring a friend. Therapy waiting rooms are easier with a little moral support.
Finally, listen to your gut. If you notice something seems off with a friend or loved one, be available. Try to get them to talk to you. Sit with them even if they don’t have anything to say. No one’s life is exempt from hard moments. Support each other. Don’t assume people are living perfect lives because they aren’t. Everyone struggles. Some folks just can’t handle all life hands them.
Be their friend when it’s not easy.
Be their reason to want to stay.
Be their salvation in the darkness.