It’s pretty common to hear the phrase “You’re so lucky to have him” when friends are doting on a trophy husband. And while it’s generally meant as a compliment with good intention, the popular DadMum blogger poses that it can be a dangerous phrase to pass on to our daughters.
For the father of two, being a good husband — or finding one for that matter — is NOT about luck.
It’s about intentionality. Waking up every day and giving your wife and family your best. And being the inextricably linked “other half” by choice, not by chance.
“For as long as I’ve been writing people have commented and said ‘your wife is very lucky to have you’ or ‘I hope I find a man who treats me like that’ and truth be told it really irks me.
You see it’s not me who chooses how she gets treated. And it’s certainly not her being lucky. It’s about knowing your own worth and never being willing to accept anything less. That’s all it’s ever been. Because I’m nowhere near the person some of you make me out to be.
The minute I was rude. The minute I wasn’t proud talking about her or our family and the minute I showed any inkling that I wasn’t willing to put in the effort required she would let me know it wasn’t good enough. She wouldn’t cop it. And she would push me to become better.
And don’t for one second think that if I turned out to be a [jerk] after 10 years that she would stay with me either. Because she wouldn’t. House. Finances. Kids and all. She would still respect herself enough to walk away. She knows her own worth and I’d be out on my [butt] before I could ever reduce that.
So let’s not teach our daughters that finding a man to respect you is about being lucky. Because it absolutely isn’t.
Don’t settle for less people.”
In an earlier post, DadMum explained that you also can’t fall prey to the lie that monogamous = monotony.
“You can’t expect things to never change in a relationship. Because they do. As time goes on [it] becomes a little less fairytale and a little more life,” he shared. “If she’s stressed, try to take more of the load from her. If she’s tired, let her rest. If she’s anxious, tell her she’s doing a great job and if she’s insecure, tell her you love her more than you ever did.”
For this model hubby and father, it isn’t about falling head-over-heels in love one time and expecting that to last, but rather finding reasons to choose your spouse every single day:
“It’s not about falling in love once and riding that out until the end of your days.
It’s not about judging them against who they used to be.
It’s about growing together and finding new reasons to fall in love all over again.”
Now that’s some marital wisdom we can all hang on to. ❤️