"I question my own motives in writing this. Is it sordid? Is it to gain sympathy? Is it to avoid criticism or worse, to benefit from the publicity criticism brings? Lord, I hope not."
I think this was always one of those things in my Christian walk that kind of bothered me. Early on I asked more mature Christians the same question. Like, how? And most of the time I was told to just surrender.
"I had never been what I would call 'religious.' I've always believed that there was a god and I believed that there was a Jesus, but I've had doubts. I've been a doubter, before."