"One stick turned positive and a different kind of vomit happened… word vomit… ‘OHHH SH**!!!’ I guess I said it loud enough for Sam to hear me, because he opened the door and asked to look at the test. He then started reading the box saying aloud, ‘Noooo!'"
"5 years ago she and I had to have a police escort just to pick up and drop off our kids. We only communicated through lawyers. I wanted to punch her boyfriend (now her husband)."
When we go shopping after school, I tell my son he has to leave his backpack in the car. When he wants to take a walk past dark with his friends, I tell him “no." He’s not allowed to play with guns that aren’t clearly Super Soakers. If we’re stopped by the police because our headlight is out, I say, “Remember what I taught you.”
"While he was having his heart attack, literally in and out of consciousness, he kept begging me to figure out the sod and have it put down because he didn't want it to go to waste and die. It's ALL he kept asking about literally during a massive heart attack."
"Choose the man who will carry your too heavy flowered backpack in public because he will also be the man who bails you out at ALDI's when [your'e] 40-?"
