For the first time, the widow of pastor Andrew Stoecklein has come forth to speak out about her husband’s tragic suicide. Andrew, the pastor of Inland Hills Church in Chino, California died in August, but understandably, it has taken his wife several months to be able to speak publicly about his untimely death.
While she has regularly documented her and her sons’ grief process on her blog, GodsGotThis.org, Kayla bravely spoke for the first time in a Facebook Live interview with Proverbs 31 Ministries President, Lysa Terkeurst, last week.
In an attempt to honor her husband’s life, the widow is on a mission to raise awareness about the severe dangers of mental illness, a subject that is largely misunderstood by the general population.
Reflecting back on the prior year, Kayla started by explaining Andrew’s onset of panic attacks that began happening [two] to [three] times a week. Initially, doctors thought that it was a result of hyperthyroid, but his bloodwork did not verify that diagnosis.
Kayla describes the attacks as “brutal.”
“One Sunday, a security guard found him upstairs in the bathroom having such a bad panic attack, right before the Easter services,” she shared. “He was meant to give seven sermons. He ended up making it, he spoke the next weekend, but then the following week he ended up in the hospital.”
Kayla further explained that her husband had taken the role as lead pastor of Inland Hills following his dad, David Stoecklein’s, death from cancer. David was the founding pastor of the church.
“He had never taken a break,” said Kayla. “He was running fast for seven years and never took time to grieve or process. We just thought he was tired.”
After finally getting an official diagnosis, Kayla was “stunned and scared.”
“Your husband has depression,” Andrew’s psychiatrist told them.
After that, the pastor was put on a “forced sabbatical.”
“It was very unpredictable,” said the grieving widow. “I didn’t know who I was gonna get when he walked down the hall in the morning. Was he gonna be mad? Was he gonna be crying? Was he gonna be angry? I had to tiptoe around that. And I had my three little boys at home, too.”
The doctors relayed that Andrew only had “seasonal depression” and should be on his road to recovery in a couple months.
While Andrew was crying constantly and putting himself in isolation, the couple continued to pursue a treatment plan that would restore his health.
He regularly attended therapy, went on trips alone and with his wife, and even stayed with his mentor for a week.
“We were doing everything right,” said Kayla. “The doctors felt that he was better.”
Kayla went on stage with Andrew after he was able to return to work, and she recalled that people were ecstatic that he was back, even giving him a standing ovation.