I was on that all night and the next day. It did help slow down the contractions but didn’t get rid of them completely. I had to go back and let them check my cervix again that Saturday. I was even more dilated and they were very concerned. They sent me back to my room and put me back on the magnesium drip. The contractions were still there and were only a minute or 2 apart so I was in a lot of pain.
The doctor came in a little later and checked me again. At this point, she said she could feel Lexi’s head and that I was even more dilated and needed to be taken for an emergency c-section right away. I was freaking out! I was crying hysterically. I didn’t want to have a c-section this early. I kept saying, “No. It’s too early. My babies aren’t ready!” But unfortunately my body was.
The next few minutes were crazy. There were tons of people in my room all of the sudden. It was chaotic and crazy and I was crying hysterically. I was so scared! I found out I had to be put to sleep so Kenny couldn’t come back there with me. That sent me over the edge because he was my constant through everything and kept me calm. I wanted him to be with me. My family was close but not quite there yet so I was crying because of that. Everything was happening so fast.
They made me drink this stuff and started rolling me to the OR. Kenny walked with me as long as he could and then hugged me, kissed me, and told me he loved me and would be there as soon as I woke up. When I got to the room, I was still sobbing. I was in pain and I was scared to death. I kept telling everyone in that room, “Please take care of my babies.” They told me they would try their very best. Next thing I know I’m out and waking up to Kenny’s voice letting me know he’s right there and that he told me he would be right there when I woke up. I kept asking him, “Are the babies ok? Where are the babies?”
He wouldn’t tell me much. All I remember him saying was, “We will see them later ok babe.” I was so out of it and kept falling asleep only to wake up later and keep asking him the same thing. When I woke up a little more I asked him, “Are you being honest with me? Are the babies ok? I don’t feel like you’re being honest with me.” I later found out the anesthesiologist told Kenny that he didn’t need to tell me right away about the girls because I would just keep falling asleep and forgetting and then I would freak out every time I woke up and my blood pressure would go crazy and I would lose it so he didn’t feel it was a good idea until I was really awake.
I fell asleep again and woke up later in my room. I was awake this time and I asked Kenny again, “Where are the babies Kenny? Are they ok?!?” He looked at me and held my hand and told me the girls didn’t make it but that the boys were ok and in the NICU. I lost it! I cried and cried and couldn’t believe it. I was truly in shock. I am still in shock. I sobbed to him and my dad. They were the only 2 in the room. I talked about how I just ordered their bedding and all their decor for their nursery. I sobbed talking about all the stuff we had for them and how we were so ready for them. I kept saying, “I’m so sorry my angels. I’m so sorry.” My girls were under 500 grams so they weren’t able to get a breathing tube in them.
I found out Kenny and our parents got to hold my sweet angels as they took their last breaths on this earth. I am so glad they got to love on them while they were still alive. I will always be jealous of that. I fell asleep again for awhile. I woke up and Kenny asked if I wanted to see the girls. I said absolutely so the nurse brought them in. We got to spend some good quality time with them. We held them and cried and took pictures and just looked at all their sweet little features. They were the prettiest babies I’ve ever seen. I fell even more in love with them. They were so beautiful! They spent the night with us that night and I just kept waking up looking over at them. They looked so peaceful.