“Didn’t he know the amount of pain this would cause everyone?”
“How could a pastor, a Godly man, do something so horrific?”
What many fail to realize is that this person was not of sound mind when he committed the act.
“The appropriate answer to all of these questions is: it wasn’t him,” writes Kayla. “The Andrew we all knew and loved; the Andrew we saw on stage every Sunday; the Andrew who would hop on a skateboard and ride up and down the driveway with his boys: he would never do this! Not in his wildest dreams or nightmares! He was sick. His mind was overtaken by mental illness, spiritual warfare, and a series of unfortunate circumstances that caused him to lose control of his own thoughts and actions.”
While she admits there are times she gets angry about what happened, she won’t allow herself to stay in that place of resentment.
“The man that I loved and built a family with, the man that I looked up to in countless ways, the leader of our church and our family,” she continued, “he was an honorable man, and his death is tragic.”
Myth #3 that Kayla debunks is “When you have faith in God you do not have suicidal thoughts.”
She addresses that when sin entered the world, we all became broken, and nobody is an exception. Andrew’s deepest brokenness just so happened to be depression, which can overtake a person’s mind in ways that are little understood by non-sufferers.
And Andrew’s mental illness had absolutely no correlation to his faith or longing for relationship with God:
“If anyone had a strong relationship with God, it was him. He studied theology and dove deep into scripture week in and week out. He ran to God in his depression. He filled his alone time with worship music. He loved God and I believe that his faith really did help carry him through his darkest moments.”
However, she rightfully charges that faith alone can’t always heal the monster of a mental disorder that is depression, and it needs to be treated just like any other sickness:
“In most cases faith simply isn’t enough to heal depression. Depression is a disorder of the brain that is both biological and physiological. We need to help break this stigma of mental illness. Although prayer and spirituality may help, and God can do miracles, ultimately mental illness deserves to be treated just like every other illness.”
Kayla recalls a particularly memorable meeting with Andrew’s psychiatrist in which the doctor said, “We know a drop in the ocean of the brain.”
“Who are we to judge one single drop in a vast open sea?” she questions.
“I believe God has not called us to judge mental illness or suicide, rather he has called us to love Him and love them, and he meant all of them! I hope the truth behind these three myths can help us to better: embrace, love, and comfort those who are facing the brokenness of depression and suicide and the survivors who were left behind.”
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, Kayla is begging you to not go through it alone.
“If you don’t have anyone to call, please call the national suicide prevention lifeline 1-800-273-8255,” she writes. “You were not designed to battle depression and mental illness alone… Your life has a divine purpose and there are more people cheering you on than you could ever know. The world needs you, your family needs you, and your future needs you!”