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“I Didn’t Want to Die. Tears Rolled Down My Cheeks as the Fear Consumed Me”: Woman Who Battled Anxiety, Anorexia & Addiction Finds Hope and Healing

That was my rock bottom. The moment I finally realized that at 31 years of age, God didn’t put me on this earth to disappear — He put me on this Earth to live. As no one but Lauren Virginia Costello. I spent countless years and means of trying to be a million other people. But there was a reason none of them ever worked. I realized I had to be doing something very wrong to be in the position I was that night. And so my journey crawling out from underground took root.

Courtesy of Lauren Costello

I embarked on a radical healing journey. I entered professional treatment and received long-overdue intensive individual, nutrition, and group therapy. I started meditating, journaling, and reading every healing and spiritual book I could possibly get my hands on. I recited affirmations every morning to reprogram my subconscious mind. I studied co-dependency like I had never studied anything in my life. I got myself off Ambien and got down on my knees in prayer every day. I found my version of God. I faced my destructive patterns and false beliefs. I uprooted the pain of years upon years of self-abandonment. I released the trauma that lived in my body, trying to survive, half-dead. I got sober. I shifted my perspective and the way I showed up in this world. I moved my body in ways that felt good, not in attempts to change the way I was made. I ate food that tasted good. I discovered the beauty of the present moment. I wrote a recovery blog. I showed myself compassion.

I looked in the mirror and started to smile. I began to love and accept myself.

Courtesy of Lauren Costello

So, as I moved through my parents’ house that November day, surrounded by all those photos, what I noticed to be missing were all the reasons I felt I needed to disappear in the first place. Instead, I saw the eight-year-old with paralyzing anxiety, the 13-year-old who battled anorexia, the 19-year-old lost and unsure in her own skin, the 27-year-old determined to run her pain away, the 31-year-old blacked out on the couch, and the 36-year-old who had finally learned to love herself. And I longed to take each version of my younger self into my arms and whisper how beautiful she was. For all that I once thought made me wrong, I could now see everything that made me just right.”

Courtesy of Lauren Costello
Courtesy of Lauren Costello

**This story was written by Lauren Costello of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Follow her journey on Instagram

Lauren Costello
Lauren Costello
Lauren Costello, 36 lives in Philadelphia, PA where she writes a recovery and personal transformation blog. She is currently in the process of starting her own coaching business in hopes of helping women and young girls foster an unwavering love and acceptance of themselves. She is passionate about using her battles with Anxiety, Anorexia, and Addiction as well as her strong faith to empower and inspire others. She enjoys meditation, dancing, coffee, reading and laughing. Her dream is to write an award-winning book! You can follow her journey on Instagram @lightupwithlauren.

20 Facts About the Olympics You Should Know Before the Games Begin

The Paris 2024 Summer Olympics promise to be a spectacular event, showcasing both traditional and innovative sports. Here are 20 things you should know before the Olympic games begin.

Sandy Hook Survivors Graduate High School and Share Their Experiences from the Morning of the Shooting

It's been nearly 12 years since the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. Now, as several of the Sandy Hook survivors graduate high school, they’re sharing their experiences and being a voice for those who were silenced on December 14, 2012. 

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Netflix’s recent docuseries, "Dancing for the Devil: The 7M TikTok Cult," has brought significant attention to the intersection of social media fame, religious influence, and allegations of cult-like behavior.