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Is “Tipping Culture” Getting Out of Hand? The Internet Calls Out Service-Worker Entitlement and “Tipflation”

I’ve always been a good tipper—I know being a restaurant server is something I’d be horrible at.  I have nothing but respect for the folks who hustle on their feet all day serving hangry, sometimes wonderful, and often rude customers. I also know that tips are a huge part of their income and that their hourly wages are low because tips are expected. So, when I eat out, I am a great tipper.

When I order grocery delivery, I am also a great tipper. If I am paying someone to do something I could do myself because of convenience, I think they deserve a great tip. Another place I tip well? The hair salon or barber. That’s another tough job where the professionals often have to pay booth rent and definitely have to pay for their own tools, and I think a good tip for a good job is warranted. But for some services, I’m kind of shocked to be asked if I want to tip or not.

For instance, I’m happy to tip a barista if I’ve got a complicated order (or a big one), but if I’m getting a $2 run-of-the-mill iced coffee, I don’t tip. It’s this expected tipping on a small, $2 order that got one TikToker up in arms about what she calls “tipping culture,” and that has inspired a great, viral debate. Is tipping culture out of hand? Are some service workers entitled? TikToker @Poorandhungry, who has 236,000 followers, has a recent viral video with 1.5 million views that has people asking those questions. The content creator says she recently got attitude from an ice cream shop employee for not tipping for a $2 cone. There was no ice cream or scooping involved in her order, she explains. She just wanted a “fresh, warm waffle cone.” She got it alright, but she also got the side-eye and some huffiness for not adding a tip on the “tip screen.”

@poorandhungry Those tip screens are OUT OF CONTROL #tip #tipping #cringe #customerservice ♬ original sound – $yd

These tip screens seem to be the source of TikTok’s ire about tipping culture. And I have to admit, I’ve been faced with one a time or two where I’ve thought, “REALLY?” TikTok is full of videos criticizing tipping screens, so I guess I’m not alone in that. But for the most part, I DO think most tipping screens are warranted. Yet, I have no qualms about hitting “no tip” when I think they’re not.

Tipping Culture in America

Many TikTokers chimed in on @poorandhungry’s video agreeing with her.

“There was a tipping screen at one of those frozen yogurt places where you get everything yourself,” one said. “I did all the work! Tip for what?” Another lamented that they’d had the tip screen show up in the checkout lane at the pet store. Still a third made her own video talking about how she’d gotten a tip screen in the self checkout at an airport snack shop. That one made me LOL! Definitely not tipping for self-service!

Others flooded the comments with stories of their own, bonding over what many TikTokers are calling “tipflation.” Tipflation, also known as tip creep, is a term to describe the recent widespread expansion of gratuity to more industries, as opposed to being traditionally only prevalent in full-service restaurants.

My feeling is that tipping culture is not really at all out of hand, and that most service workers deserve a tip. I think perhaps the more likely truth is that checkout services that use tip screens are out of hand. That is to say, not every business that uses checkout software with a tip screen should. And when I don’t think it’s warranted, I’m going to keep hitting “No.”

Do you think “tipping culture” is a thing? Or is it just a new name for something that has always existed?

“I’m Actually Not Sorry. He Can Touch Me All Day Long”: Candace Cameron Bure Claps Back at Offended Fans, Says ‘The Christian View’ of Sex Is All Wrong

After receiving backlash for a “handsy” Instagram photo with her husband, Candace Cameron Bure appeared on a podcast hosted by Blake Guichet titled Confessions of a Crappy Christian Podcast. 

In the episode, Candace discussed the backlash she received from some of her 4.6 million followers when she posted a photo on Instagram that one of her sons took showing her and her husband Valeri smiling while he playfully grabbed her chest; the two will be married 27 years in June.

She confronted her offended fans on her social media saying, “I’m sorry if it offended you,” she said laughing, “I’m actually not sorry…I’m glad we have fun together after so many years, he can touch me all day long.”

INSTAGRAM // Candace Cameron Bure

During the podcast, the Fuller House star explained the photo was all in good fun, but a handful of direct messages said it was inappropriate as a Christian to post a photo like that and you shouldn’t share this type of affection for the world to see. Candace told podcast host Guichet, “I stood up for it (posting the photo) and I was like…you know what guys…I’ve been married for 24 years. I’m a Christian. My husband is a Christian. And I am proud that we managed to stay married for 24 years!” She continued on, “The fact that we have fun and we flirt together: This is part of what makes our marriage work, and why I’m not bored. This is something to be celebrated as a Christian.”

“I love being an actress, I love being a producer, I love being a writer, I love all the things that I get to do…..but I really just want to share Jesus with people.”

“Sex doesn’t stop once you get married,” the former The View host noted. “Sex is the blessing of marriage and I hate when Christians are like, ‘No you have to pretend like you never had sex!’ ”

Candace explained that there is a view about sex in the Christian community that makes her sad. “If we (as Christians) are to promise ourselves to one another and preach saving yourself for marriage,” she said, “Then sex needs to be celebrated within marriage, and it’s not to be shameful.”

The coverage that her “fun, innocent” photo received “surprised” her because it is mild compared to what is seen every day on television and other media outlets.

Candace shared that she grew up in a conservative culture that didn’t teach her about sex, but instead placed a “shame culture” on it. She said, “When I got married (at 20-years-old), I was like…I don’t know how to adjust my brain right now…I am supposed to flip a switch and now embrace this and all of the sudden be a sexual person for my husband and enjoy it…and for a few years I would have sex with my husband thinking ‘Oh my gosh, is God looking at me and is this bad? Is (God) mad, is He not? But I’m married, so I should be honoring.’ It’s very difficult to flip that switch.”

“It has taken years to work through it (sex), and understand it, and enjoy it, and embrace it,” Candace said. Now she says that she is super open with her children, unlike her mother was, because she doesn’t want her children to have that “dichotomy” in their brain about sex. She wants to teach them that it’s a gift and something to be celebrated with their future spouse. “All my mother told me was ‘You don’t have sex until you are married.’ There was no why.”

 

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A post shared by Candace Cameron Bure (@candacecbure)

“I probably annoy my kids, again because I have talked about sex with them their whole lives,” she reiterated. “I just make it a part of everyday conversation.”

The mother of three gave an example of when her daughter had a health class public school teacher in senior high tell the students it was important to explore sex with multiple partners so you can understand your body. Candace explained that because of the open, un-shameful communication she has had with her children about biblical sex, she could talk with her daughter. When Candace asked her daughter how she responded when her teacher said that, her daughter said, “I was just shaking my head through the whole thing….(because) I just know that’s not what God wants for us. That’s not how God tells us we should do that. That’s not what He intended it for.”

“This is what God’s Word says about it (sex); let’s talk about it,” she said. Candace revealed how she talks about sex with her kids, and she says she wants to hear how they feel about what God says and if they agree or disagree.

“We don’t as Christian culture,” talk about sex well, she said. The transition between abstinence and marriage is not done well within the Christian culture, Candace said.

“If the best takeaway from the post (Instagram photo) was that I encouraged a married couple to go have sex that night….Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!”

Listen to the entire podcast here.

Teens Create “Smart Straw” Invention to Detect Date Rape Drugs—Here’s How it Works

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Susana Cappello, Carolina Baigorri and Victoria Roca are three high school teens whose innovative product, “Smart Straws,” is changing the game in preventing date rape and sexual assault.

Screen grab via YouTube // Inside Edition

The three girls participated in the Miami Herald’s Business Plan Challenge which prompted them to become entrepreneurs of a concept or product.

Their winning concept, Smart Straws, are designed to detect smallest amounts of the most common date rape drugs such as roofies (Rohypnol), GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid) and Ketamine, which are “overwhelmingly the most common club drugs” used on women.

Screen grab via YouTube // Inside Edition

If there’s any trace of the drug in an alcoholic or non-alcoholic drink, the indicator on the tip of the straw will turn blue.

Screen grab via YouTube // Inside Edition

Judges called the product brilliant, noting how easily the straws could be distributed on campuses, at bars and by school organizations.

“We know it’s not a solution because it can’t end rape,” Carolina explains. “But we were hoping to lower the amount of rape and dangerous situations you might be in through drugs.”

The girls took a survey among their peers. Eighty five percent said they would use the straw, and more than half saying that they knew someone who had been drugged at a party.

Since winning the competition, the teens have moved forward with applying for a patent, and consulting with a test kit maker about potentially manufacturing the product.

Having friends of my own who have been drugged and taken advantage of in something as normal as a restaurant setting, the Smart Straw is a winner in my book. Looking forward to the bright futures of these teens, and the incredible ways their concept could change women’s safety.

Dear Well-Meaning But Ignorant Parents: Here’s What Your Teens Are Really Doing Online

I’ve been mulling over this topic for quite some time, but this morning it became increasingly clear to me that I must say something. Folks, stranger danger is a real thing. And even more real today than it was 10 years ago thanks to, you guessed it, the Internet.

Strangers on The Internet

I speak specifically to the parents of kids old enough to be on social media. Of course, I am no such parent, but I am a teacher of those kids. I am also only six to 10 years older than the high school students I teach. Maybe that makes me unqualified to speak out, but maybe it makes me the most qualified candidate. Many of my colleagues and the parents of my students are old enough to be my own parents, so I tend to share a camaraderie with my students. And yet, I am far enough removed to be able to speak in ways that they cannot yet speak for themselves.

YouNow

The reason this subject has become suddenly so urgent to me is because today I read an article about a new website called YouNow, which is essentially a livestream site that a person can set up a camera feed and you can watch it constantly. Users can connect with cameras using hashtags like #sleepingsoundly. In other words, people—teenagers—are setting up cameras in their bedrooms so anyone, any stranger, can watch them sleep…or whatever. And while the stream is happening, there is a constant commentary by all watchers. I watched one today (for about 10 seconds because I felt totally creepy) of a teenager somewhere singing on his porch. The comments ranged anywhere from “you have a great voice you should date me” to much more obscene things like calling the boy a “fag” and telling him he looked like various parts of genitalia. Now yes, this website is not specifically marketed for teens, and yes, there are terms of use that technically prohibit obscenity and illegal acts. But if you know anything about teenagers you know that they quickly find loopholes to most rules. The Internet, especially social media, is NOT safe. And it is sobering how real this is.

Apps Teens Use

You may be thinking, “I’m smarter than that. I have a Facebook and I watch my kids online.” You might have a Facebook. So do I. And so does my mom and my grandma and all of her friends. But you know who doesn’t have a Facebook? Your kid’s friends. I took an informal poll of my 150 students at the beginning of the year, and 60-80 percent of my students don’t even have a Facebook. They connect with each other on Kik, an app that allows users to text each other without exchanging phone numbers. They use Snapchat, an app that allows users to send pictures that supposedly disappear forever after 10 seconds. They use Whisper, an app on which a user can “anonymously” tell their deepest secrets to a vast community of other secret sharers. They use Yik Yak, Tumblr, Twitter (do you know about subtweeting? you should.), Instagram, Oovoo, WhatsApp, Meerkat and sometimes even dating apps, like Tinder.

The problem with thinking you’re smart is that I would almost guarantee that there is at least one of those apps you’ve never heard of. And if you aren’t on it, your kids probably will be.

Waiting for the Wedding Day That Will Never Come

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Every girl dreams of growing up and having that Nicholas Sparks, fairytale romance. The one where love conquers all things, and against all odds, the two live happily ever after.

Hannah Darr had exactly that. After growing up together, she and her fiancé Layne Meriwether had the kind of love story that dreams are made of. Unfortunately, as Hannah  shares in this beautiful Facebook post, their love story wasn’t given the chance to last a lifetime.

Hannah Darr

“Layne and I’s lives were intertwined at an early age. I moved to Waynoka, Oklahoma in 1st grade. We attended school field trips together, were in 4-H together, and later FFA. When I was a freshman in high school (2010), Layne asked me to go on a date with him to “fifth quarter” after the football game. I was so nervous that the cute, junior running back was asking me on a date! At first I said no, but I gave in and we were inseparable ever since. We loved doing everything together. We ran track together, gave speeches together, showed animals together and more. Layne even worked for my parents. Wherever one of us was, you were sure to find the other. Fast forward 6 years to April 15, 2016. That is when Layne took me to our favorite fishing spot on my family’s land and asked me to spend forever with him.

Hannah Darr

I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, but if you looked at his huge smile and bright, shining eyes locked on me, you could see that he thought he was the luckiest guy in the whole world. This past year has been full of wedding and life planning. My house is full of all my wedding decorations just waiting for my wedding day that will never come. Layne and I had planned our lives out and even bought cattle together. We said it is pretty serious when you buy cattle together. We knew what land we would eventually build our house on and even our future children’s names. Big plans and big dreams that we will never get to carry out together.

Hannah Darr

Many would say Layne and I had a fairytale kind of love. We had a love that many spend their whole life trying to find. It was patient, kind and unconditional. I will forever miss how Layne always looked at me with such love and adoration. We understood each other in a way that no one else could. Layne and I both attended OSU, and while we didn’t live together, we spent every day together. We worked out together, made lunch and dinner together, did homework together, and just spent time together hanging out, watching TV, and so much more. We both loved reading, learning, traveling and agriculture. We pushed and motivated each other to be the best we could be. Most importantly, we loved and accepted each other for who we were. Layne was a man of God, uplifting, intelligent, driven, compassionate and strong. Luckily, we knew how much we meant to one another because we told each other every day. He made me feel loved, wanted, secure and confident. There will never be anyone else like my dear Layne.

Hannah Darr

Layne was killed in a car accident on February 5, 2017, just 4 months before our wedding. I’m devastated that I don’t get to marry my best friend, but I take comfort in the fact that I will be reunited with him in Heaven one day.

Hannah Darr

I had a dream I was wandering around in my wedding dress completely lost and helpless with tears spilling down my face, blurring my vision. My vision cleared a bit and I saw my sweet Layne walking towards me with his radiant smile. He wrapped his arms around me and said, ‘Baby girl, quit crying! You look beautiful. You are so strong. I know you can do this!!’ Earlier that night I had cried myself to sleep because all I wanted was a chance to marry my best friend.. and then I had that dream and it gave me such peace. When I saw this picture Holly Gannett captured, I instantly thought of that dream and tears streamed down my face. I’m thankful for this picture. I’ll cherish it forever.”

Hannah Darr

What a blessing these photos are to this beautiful bride. Her story is proof that the Lord’s Peace is one that surpasses all understanding.

My heart breaks for Hannah and all of their family and friends. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, but I wholeheartedly admire her strength and drive to remember Layne through the memories, and encourage others through Christ’s love.

Indiana Police Officer Adopts Day-Old Infant After Mother Left Her in a “Baby Box”

Indiana police officer Bruce Faltynski and his wife Shelby were already in the process of adopting their oldest daughter Kaia from foster care when they got a call about a tiny infant that needed a set of parents. At only one day old, baby Myah had been left in a Safe Haven baby box.

Though adoption wasn’t new to Shelby Faltynski, a “baby box” certainly was. She told Fox News that she knew “nothing” about Safe Haven Baby Boxes until she received the call from the Department of Child Services. But now, she is certainly glad to know what they are and that they exist.

Indiana’s “Safe Haven Law” allows anyone to place a child in one of these boxes with zero penalty as long as the child is no older than 30 days. The Baby Box website says all the boxes are installed “in an exterior wall of a designated fire station or hospital.” They are also temperature-controlled and monitored so a child can be placed there safely and removed quickly. An interior door on the other side of the box allows medical professionals to access the baby so he or she can be removed and cared for.

There are Safe Haven boxes in ten states, with most being in Indiana. The Safe Haven website says that since the law went into effect and the boxes were placed, not a single abandoned infant has died in Indiana. This is definitely a great accomplishment for Safe Haven’s stated mission: to prevent illegal abandonment of newborns by raising awareness, offering a 24-hour hotline for mothers in crisis and offering the Safe Haven Baby Boxes as a last resort option for women who want to maintain complete anonymity. 

In baby Myah’s case, being placed in the box so soon after birth may have saved her life. After she was retrieved from the Safe Haven box, doctors determined that she had suffered a stroke and placed her in the NICU.

The Faltynski’s are grateful to Myah’s birth mom for surrendering her child to a safe place. They are also grateful that thanks to daughter Kaia, they were already certified foster and adoptive parents and ready to welcome Myah into their home.

“Our foster journey started with, we were just foster parents for Kaia. And when we had the opportunity to adopt Kaia after a year of fostering her, we went through the training to be foster-to-adoptive parents and through that training that’s what allowed us to be on a list of, to be adoptive parents,” Bruce said.

“We have nothing but respect and admiration, and truly, truly, a heart of gratitude for Myah’s mom and her courageous and brave decision,” Shelby continued. “We’ll forever be grateful for both Kaia’s mommy and Myah’s mommy. Both girls are so blessed to have two mommies that love them and only want the best for them.”

They are also grateful that after her rough start in life, Myah is now doing well. She has recovered from her stroke and is progressing well, just like any other child.

Thanks to the Safe Haven Law, the Faltynski’s are a loving family of four. They are grateful for the law and the baby boxes. To see if there are any Safe Haven boxes in your area, visit the Safe Haven Baby Box website.

20-Year-Old Dies Tragically in Cancun—5 Months Later, Her Dad Bikes 1,400 Miles to Find the Man Who Has Her Heart

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Five months after the sudden death of his 20-year-old daughter, Abbey Conner, Bill made the decision to ride his bike across the country as a way to honor his baby girl’s short life.

In January of 2017, Abbey and her brother, Austin, were on a winter break trip to Cancun when they were both found face-down and unconscious in a swimming pool. Despite medical efforts, Abbey had suffered irreversible brain damage that ended her life. She was kept on life support until doctors were able to harvest her organs for transplant.

Screen grab via YouTube // WISN 12 News

Fast-forward to May 22, 2017. The day after Austin graduated college, Bill got on his bike, and set out on a 2,600 mile trek across the country. His plan was to ride from his hometown of Madison, Wisconsin, to Fort Lauderdale, Florida—with the hopes of visiting Broward Medical Center—where Abbey’s organs were recovered for donation just five months prior.

It was a donation that Bill wishes his daughter never had to give, but it wound up saving four other lives.

Abbey Conner Made the Choice to Donate

When Abbey turned 16 and first got her license, she decided to become an organ donor.

“She registered. It’s something that she knew a long time ago. Unfortunately, it came to fruition, but that’s Abbey,” Bill told CBS News. “If you had her as a friend she always had your back, and for her to be helping people in need—that fits who she is.”

As Abbey’s life came to an end, another family from Lafayette, Louisiana, was learning the fate of 21-year-old Loumonth Jack, Jr.

His heart was failing, and he’d been given just 10 days to live. He needed a miracle, and it came in the form of Abbey Conner.

Screen grab via YouTube // WISN 12 News

“With Abbey and the way things went—he’s alive today,” Bill says.

Abbey donated four organs, which were received by four different men ages 20-60, giving them a second chance at life. She also donated her eyes and other tissue.

Before setting out for his bike ride, Bill informed the Florida donation center that handled Abbey’s organs about his plan to ride on her behalf.

They sent out letters to all four recipients asking if they’d be interested in meeting their donor’s father.

“Even if the recipients decline our invitation, I couldn’t ask for a better ending by connecting again with the hospital staff that took care of my daughter during her stay,” Bill wrote on his fundraising page for the ride. “The opportunity to thank them again, would also allow me to put some closure to my grief and hopefully start moving forward through my journey.

Only one person responded: Jack Jr., who now housed Abbey’s heart.

Loumonth Jack Jr. 

Bill and Jack connected over the phone and coordinated a meet-up in Baton Rouge on Father’s day. It was 1,400 miles into Bill’s ride.

When the two met on Sunday, the sight was that of a reunion rather than an introduction. Bill said he felt like he already knew Jack.

They greeted each other with open arms and embraced in a minute-long hug that could have been felt from miles away.

Screen grab via YouTube // WISN 12 News
YouTube

“Knowing he’s alive because of Abbey, Abbey is alive inside of him—it’s her heart having him stand up straight,” Bill said. “I was happy for him and his family, and at the same time, I got to reunite with my daughter.”

After greeting each other like old friends, Jack pulled out a stethoscope and handed it to Bill so he could hear his daughter’s heartbeat again.

Loumonth Jack Jr. 

Both men cried as Jack’s friends and family surrounded them and watched as Bill listened closely to Abbey’s heart inside of Jack.

“She saved me and I can’t repay her. I wish I could but I can’t,” Jack explained. “All I can do is send my love to her family.”

The family made a recording of Jack’s heart so Bill could listen to it while he tackles the rest of his ride.

Bill and Jack spent a little while longer together, before they went their separate ways. Jack—onto living life to the fullest thanks to the miracle of Abbey Conner. And Bill onto his bike, where he hopes to continue sharing his daughter’s story and the importance of organ donation.

“It’s about not being selfish and burying things that could help people live or live better lives,” Bill said. “If you want a legacy—what better legacy could you have than to help people live?”

Bill meets his daughter’s heart recipient for the first time in the New Roads area after biking all the way from Wisconsin….

Posted by Donate Life Louisiana on Sunday, June 18, 2017

For more information on Abbey Conner’s story, and how you can become an organ donor, visit Abbey’s Ride For Life.

“Y’all I Can’t Stop Crying”: Mom Left in Tears After Principal Writes Up Her “Trauma-Ravaged” Son for the Best Reason Ever

“Y’all. I cannot stop crying. This boy. For two years my middle son has given me a run for my money at school. I’m talking, days and days spent at the school with him, write-ups galore, phone calls to pick him up because it was too much. Trauma is hard.

I’m no trauma expert. In fact, I’m not even close to scratching the surface of all there is to know. But I do know it’s messy, it’s hard, and it’s very unpredictable.

Amber kait Photography

There is no handbook on how to raise a child ravaged with trauma that abuse and neglect have left behind. There are no written guidelines on how to love someone that’s been broken. There is no possible way to be prepared or ready. My only good knowledge is to bring truckloads of grace and when your truck is empty, fill it back up. You always need to be prepared to dump grace at any given time.

Prior to adoption, I got a phone call from the school. It was just like any other day. Just like any other phone call. ‘Ms. Pollard, we’re having another bad day. Can you come?’ ‘Sure. I’ll be right there.’ I get there and my boy is silent. Something seems different. I pull him in close and ask what’s going on. It’s mid-September and he’s asking if he can have a race car for Christmas. Followed by a game for his birthday in March. It would be easy to become frustrated that I just left work and drove 30 minutes because my son is acting a fool at school and when I get there he starts asking if he can have gifts. As if his behavior warrants a gift in this moment. But this is trauma. You see, it’s not about the gift to him. It’s about his heart and his need to feel safe. If I can reassure him that he’ll get that race car for Christmas, he knows he’s safe until then. No one will come pick him up. He’s safe here. At least for three more months.

My boy’s story is less than ideal. No one wants his story. No one wants our story. But what we know is that before we had a name, there was God that started writing the pages of our stories. When you thumb through those pages, you’ll start to see a theme. It runs deep. It’s rescue.

Courtesy of Amy Pollard

Our family was in a bit of a transitional season several months ago. We had an opportunity to leave the school district we were in to pursue opportunities that might be a better fit for the future of the boys. But that meant we would have to leave the one where we knew everyone, and everyone knew us. The place and people that knew our story. The ones that pulled us in close and loved us through all the messy days. Leaving would mean we had to trust new people and I wasn’t ready trust again. I wasn’t ready to go. But God. He and someone very special in our lives patiently came alongside me and helped me to see there was a beautiful thing just on the other side of where I felt most safe and comfortable. I needed to be rescued from myself. While I kicked and screamed because I couldn’t see how this is what He had for our family, I went anyway. I said yes. I was scared. Petrified actually. But it wasn’t the first time God was calling me to the unknown and scary and hard and messy. And it certainly won’t be the last. What I do know though, He can be trusted.

We started in our new schools three weeks ago. So when my son’s new principal called me this week to tell me he had him in his office, my heart sank and I immediately thought to myself, ‘Jesus! Here we go again!’ He had been written up. Except he got written up for being ready to learn, being intentionally kind to others, for being courageous, positive, considerate, polite, prepared, and for working hard. Because that’s a thing at his new school and I am here for that kind of write up!

This journey has had more lows than highs but I’m not mad about it because it makes these moments more precious than I could dream up. This may seem small, but it is by far one of the most significant moments I’ve had on this journey.

I cried. And I cried. And I cried some more. Then we celebrated. I know for certain the principal thinks I’m a lunatic. I immediately started the ugly cry and told him, ‘You just don’t understand! You just don’t know what we’ve been through to get to this place!’ He responded by thanking me for being a wonderful parent. But ya know… nothing in me feels like a wonderful parent. Don’t we all feel like we’re failing our kids? Don’t we all doubt every single decision we make regarding their lives? Don’t we all just hold onto to any bit of hope that somehow beauty will rise from the messes we make?

Courtesy of Amy Pollard

I don’t know the places you find yourself in today. You might feel like you know what you need. You might feel like you don’t have a clue what you need right now. Either way, God knows far better than we do. You might need rescue. You might need rescue from yourself just like I did. You might need rescue from that person or thing. He might be calling you to something that seems impossible. Something you can’t possibly see how beauty will rise from all of the ashes that lay on the floor from what was. Something you can’t understand his reasoning in. Maybe it’s something you don’t even want. While I can’t promise you it will be easy now or easy ever, I can promise you that life will never be found going your own way. If you trust Him, you will wake up one day and you will look back through your pages and you will see the beautiful leading of God rescuing you from yourself and from what you thought you wanted and needed. You will find yourself in a place you couldn’t have ever imagined. You won’t feel worthy to be there but remember that you are. You couldn’t have imagined it because if we’re being honest, we never believed God was as big as He really is. And somehow, there will be a new page in your story. A page of how grateful you are for the mess and the unknown and the beautiful leading. Because when God gives gifts, He always gives the best kind of gifts. That thing you lost hope in, that thing you didn’t want, that thing that was hard and messy, that thing that scared you the most, it’s now your most treasured gift.

Trust Him.

Rest in Him.

I may not have chosen this story but it’s the story God chose for me and I am here for it.

I cannot believe I get to watch these boys grow, overcome, and work hard to pull themselves out of the pits of hell they found themselves in. I’m believing the best for their lives and this is just the beginning of all the things we’ll see them do. I know it.”

Amber kait Photography

**This story was written by Amy Pollard of Gulfport, Mississippi and originally appeared on Love What Matters. Follow her journey on Instagram

Guardians of the Galaxy 3 Needs a Content Warning for Kids and Animal Lovers

Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy 3 opened in theaters on May 5th to huge acclaim and huge box office numbers, already grossing over $531 million worldwide. James Gunn’s finale to the much-beloved series is a hit with fans, too. I’ve personally heard several fans say it is their favorite Marvel movie of all-time. But with all these rave reviews also comes a caution: parts of this movie can be particularly difficult to watch or even traumatizing for younger viewers, animal lovers, or anyone who is particularly sensitive to animal violence.

The movie delves deep into the beloved character Rocket Raccoon’s back story, and it is full of things that are not great, to say the least. In explaining how we got a raccoon that walks, talks, and acts like a human, we learn of many terrible experiments performed on Rocket and other animals. Needless to say, trauma abounds in this storyline.

To be fair, the movie clearly and unequivocally portrays the animal violence as tragic and wrong, and that is important to note up front. Also, all the animals in the film are CGI – not real animals at all, whatsoever – so no actual animals were harmed in any way. But for some people, watching scenes of intense and graphic violence against animals may not be worth the payoff of enjoying an otherwise fantastic movie.

It’s also important to note that as the movie is rated PG-13 and not R, the animal abuse scenes are graphic but not gory, which is an important distinction. Nevertheless, movie goers need to prepare themselves to hear and see the following in Guardians of the Galaxy 3:

  • torture and dismemberment of talking animals and the screams that accompany such treatment
  • surgical experiments on animals
  • injury and experimentation on baby animals
  • animals crowded in small, filthy cages
  • painful animal mutation
  • an animal burning to death
  • animal characters with graphic wounds or permanent disfigurement

This all seems very “yikes!” when typed out in a list, but it’s essential to say that it is not gratuitous or wasted. It is an important part of the movie’s overall plot and storyline, and  it is all condemned as terrible. The movie uses these scenes as important parts of the Guardians team members’ overall background, and it uses them well. However, since one hallmark of the Guardians franchise is its lighter and fun moments, the animal scenes could catch fans off guard, and moviegoers definitely deserve a heads up. As for myself, I was considering taking my 12-year-old son to see this movie in the theaters, but I personally think these scenes would be too much for him in the theater. He loves other Marvel movies and they’ve been appropriate for him even with a PG-13 rating, but we will be waiting to watch this one until it hits the small screen on Disney + and he can watch it (or turn it off!) in the safety of his own home.

Have you seen Guardians of the Galaxy 3 yet? Did you find the animal violence upsetting for you or your family, or were you able to get past it because of the way it was used in the story?

Her Friends “Wouldn’t Babysit Him for a Million Dollars”—20 Yrs Later, He Writes This to His Mom

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I heard what they said about me, those teenage girls. I heard every word. So did you.

It’s me, your stubborn, strong-willed child.

Mom, those girls don’t see the countless hours you spend trying to figure me out. They don’t see the tears you shed. They don’t know that you feel helpless and lost. You wonder whether you’re a terrible mother. I’m always in trouble. It seems that way, at least. I’m rebellious, constantly pushing boundaries. I never sit still. Ever. You’re spent emotionally, physically and spiritually. And the comment from those girls pushed you over the edge.

I’m here to say, “Thank you.” Mom, raising a stubborn, strong-willed child is crazy hard. Instincts and intuitions go out the window, right? The world says strong-willed, stubborn kids are problems that need to be fixed, with rebellious spirits that need to be tamed. I know raising me isn’t easy, but I’m here today because of you. Here are a few things I want to thank you for.

Thank you for pointing me to Jesus rather than forcing me to conform. There are so many resources on parenting a strong-willed child like me. Most of them show you how to make me obey and conform. But you are uneasy about seeing me as a problem that needs to be fixed. Maybe you realize that changing me creates more resistance. The details are insignificant. Here’s what matters. Rather than imposing your will, you lean closer to Jesus. You trust Him to get you through the hard days, asking Him to do something you can’t…transform my heart.

Have you ever thought about this, mom? Almost every quality considered negative as a child is positive for adults.

A mischievous child becomes a curious adult.

A defiant child becomes a determined adult.

An obsessive child becomes a persistent adult.

Do you see, mom? What’s considered negative as a child is positive as an adult, traits you would want in a CEO or something.

Thank you for working with me rather than fighting against me. I think I came out of the womb with boxing gloves. I push back against everything. And I push hard. For a while, you fought hard too. You remember that time, right before my third birthday. I refused to eat dinner, but you were determined to make me eat? Determined to win this one for all the parents of strong-willed children, you said I wouldn’t leave the table until I took a bite of something.

Two hours later, when you realized I wasn’t eating, you sent me to bed. I woke up at 5 a.m. screaming for food. I was starving, mom.

After that night, something changed. You put down the boxing gloves. You stopped trying to win. Not because you knew you couldn’t. You knew I wasn’t your opponent. You chose to empower me rather than overpower me. Thank you, mom. It’s crazy. When you put down the gloves, so did I. You see glimpses of this now. You’ll see it more fully in time.

Today, I listen to others rather than assert my will. I would rather be collaborative than competitive. I’m not sure I would be this way if you never put down the gloves.

Thank you for teaching me rather than telling me. I want a “why” for everything. It’s insanely frustrating. I know. Giving me rules without explanations is easier. “Because I said so” requires much less time and energy than your rationale. But you choose to explain things, even to four-year-old me.

Here’s the thing. I don’t go with the flow, even if it’s your flow. It’s not that I don’t trust you, not at all, mom. It’s that I want to know why this is happening. It’s not personal. It’s part of my makeup.

This causes your hair to fall out in the shower. Or maybe you pull it out. Do you pull it out, mom, or do you shed?

Never mind, let’s keep moving.

My refusal to conform and ask questions is a gift mom. In high school and college, my stubbornness will keep me from going with the crowd. I will make mistakes, plenty of them. But more times than not, I will choose the right decision over the easy one.

You see, all that processing and asking and pushing boundaries is my attempt to feel out the world, not disobey you. And as I process your rationale, I learn the importance of boundaries. I understand why they exist. I realize you’re not keeping me from something. You’re protecting me from something: destructive outcomes.

Later in life, as many around me make destructive decisions, I won’t, mostly because I’ve been there and done that. Right now, I’m crossing boundaries and paying the consequences. You remember the five stitches for splitting my ear open? You told me not to climb on the bookshelf. I didn’t listen.

Boom! E.R. Sedation. Stitches.

I remember reading this in a book. It’s called Originals, I think. In the book, the author says highlights the most successful entrepreneurs. As kids, he says, they are more likely to defy their parents, skip school and gamble.

Here’s what fascinating, though.

After studying the most successful entrepreneurs, researchers found they were far less likely to engage in hazardous activities like driving drunk, buying illegal drugs or stealing valuables as teenagers.

I’m not saying I will skip school as a teenager…or maybe I am.

I know life is hard right now, mom. But don’t question your impact or effectiveness as a parent. I’m a round peg in a square hole. But don’t give up. You’re an amazing mother. Keep pointing me to Jesus. Every day. Jesus will turn my stubborn, non-conforming personality into something good.

One day, when faced with a tough decision, I will choose what’s right over what’s easy. This decision might cost me friendships. It might cost me a job, maybe even my life. But my personality won’t allow me to choose any other way. I must swim upstream. And maybe someone decides to swim with me. In doing so, maybe this person avoids imminent danger downstream. In that moment, even if it’s only one person, that person will be glad you didn’t make me conform.

Mom, you’re amazing. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for enduring the hard days. Thank you for trusting Jesus more than a self-help book or an expert blog post.

I love you, mom.

Connecticut Teachers Take Student in as Foster Son, Welcomes Him Into Forever Family

A new student transferring in halfway through the school year always garners extra attention from an elementary teacher, as they need extra help getting caught up and fitting in. But when a student named Nate joined her class in December 2018, teacher Jenna Riccio found he warranted her attention more than most: Nate, who was in a wheelchair, seemed frightened and would cry often. Riccio did what she could to make him feel comfortable, and help him warm up and open up to his new environment.

She soon discovered that Nate had sickle cell anemia, which affects one in 365 black children. Because of the effects of this devastating blood disorder, doctors had to amputate parts of both of Nate’s legs, as well as his left arm, three fingers, and part of an ear. Nate had been through so much in his short life, and he tugged at Riccio’s heart strings.

“I’ve heard of sickle cell before Nate, but I had no idea what it entails until I saw firsthand with Nate and it’s a horrible thing to see,” Riccio told GMA. “When he goes into pain crises, they are like 10 out of 10 excruciating pain, and really the only thing you can do is just manage the pain of it.”

When Nate was hospitalized in 2019, Riccio visited him in the hospital. She was aware that he was in foster care, and felt the strong desire to be his foster mom so he could come home from the hospital to someone who genuinely cared about him. Springing into action, she attained her fostering license in just two weeks.

“I had workers come to inspect our home, make sure everything was safe for him and it was like a crash course. We did that all in like 10 days,” Riccio recalls.

On October 3, 2019, she picked Nate up from the hospital and took him home.

In the meantime, in addition to becoming a foster mom, Riccio had also gotten engaged to fellow teacher Tim Riccio, who also had Nate in his art class. They married in May 2021. Nate, still in Jenna’s care as a foster child, joyfully served as their ring bearer.

Although Riccio at first hoped that Nate could be reunited with his biological parents, over the years it became clear that it was not to be. Eventually, their parental rights were terminated. So, the Riccios knew that it was time to make Nate their son forever.

“Like, this is the best place for Nate to be in and it was a no-brainer. I don’t even think it was like a long conversation, like yes, of course we’re gonna do this for Nate, of course we’ll be his mom and dad forever,” Jenna Riccio said.

A Forever Family

The three became a permanent family unit on November 18, 2022, which so happened to be National Adoption Day. Happily, Nate’s biological older brother Giovhany was with them all at the courthouse. Jenna Riccio expressed gratefulness to Giovhany, who is eleven years older than Nate.

“Before [Nate] came into our lives, he had an amazing brother. His brother is now 22 so there’s an 11-year age difference but when I first met Nate as a first grader, his brother was his main caretaker and I give so much credit to him,” she said. “He was a young man but he did his best to make sure Nate was OK, and I think that has helped [Nate].”

Today, Nate is flourishing with his mom, dad, and baby sister Julien. Jenna says he is “the best big brother” and that his positive attitude about life inspires her every day.

Sure, she may be biased, but as Jenna points out, she’s been working with kids for a long time, and she knows an exceptional child when she sees one.

“I’ve met a lot of children — I’ve been teaching for 14 years now — and Nate has every reason to be grouchy or a grump, but he’s not” she says. “He’s actually the total opposite. There’s just this light that nothing can dim.”

Jenna hopes her family’s story raises awareness about sickle cell anemia as well as foster care and adoption. I think it does all that in spades, and also underlines the importance of what an incredible force for good a child’s teacher can be in his or her life.

“Worth It”: Mom With Down Syndrome Raises Son Who Also Has Down Syndrome

It was less common than it used to be in the 1990s for a single adult woman to be shunned when she became pregnant out of wedlock, but that’s what happened to Lisa Newtop. Even though she was 30 years old with a long-term boyfriend, many of her friends pulled away. The reason? Lisa has Down Syndrome, the most common chromosomal disorder. Her friends’ parents were afraid she’d be a bad influence.

It used to be common for people with Down Syndrome to be forcibly sterilized. Thankfully that is no longer the case, but it’s still rare for them to start their own families. However, Lisa had a pillar of unwavering support to help her bring her son into the world: her own mom, Patti.

Patti told TODAY that she was herself relatively newly married when Lisa’s bombshell news took her by surprise. She and her new husband Norm had plans to travel and see the world. Then she got a voicemail message from her daughter.

“I was checking my messages at work, and there was this message from Lisa saying, ‘Hi, mom. I just wanted to call to let you know that you’re going to be the grandmother,’” Patti said.

In shock, she listened to the message three times, then called Lisa’s social worker for confirmation. The grandmother-to-be was totally bowled over. She was even afraid her husband Norm would leave her if she committed to helping Lisa raise the baby.

“This was way more than he had bargained for,” she said. But Norm was ready to stand by his woman, her daughter, and their unborn grandchild. “He looked at me and he said, ‘No matter what you decide to do, I’m going to be there for you,’” Patti recalled.

The loss of support from Lisa’s community of friends with Down Syndrome was painful. “They were afraid that Lisa would influence their daughters. And that was very lonely for her,” says Patti. She and Norm jumped into action to provide added support for Lisa, including hiring a doula to teach her about pregnancy and childbirth.

On February 10, 1996, Lisa and her boyfriend Tim joyously welcomed a baby boy, Nic, who also has Down Syndrome. Lisa took to motherhood naturally in many respects, Patti says, but she had a hard time when Nic would cry. “She assumed he was in pain, and she felt responsible,” Patti says. “She couldn’t grasp that babies just cry, often for no reason at all.”

Photo courtesy of Patti White

Sadly, Nic’s father Tim passed away from a heart condition related to Down Syndrome when Nic was just five. Patti and Norm drew in even closer to be Lisa and Nic’s support. He grew up with Patti and Norm, and even called Norm “Dad.” Lisa lived in an apartment nearby and helped raise her son along side her parents.

“I’m lucky because I have two moms,” Nic, now 27, says.

Unfortunately, Nic lost a second father when Norm passed away from cancer in 2021. But he, Patti, and Lisa continue living a loving and full life together. Lisa is beyond proud of her son and tells everyone she meets about him. Nic recently graduated from the Wayfinders program at California State University, Fresno in 2020. This two-year, non-degree program teaches young adults with disabilities how to live on their own. Nic says he hopes to, like his mother before him, get his own place and live independently very soon.

Just like any mom, Lisa is having a little trouble letting go of her “little boy,” Patti says.

“Lisa has trouble letting him make his own decisions. She wants to assist him and he doesn’t need any assistance,” Patti told TODAY. “She treats him younger than he is.”

Photo courtesy of Patti White

Patti and Nic are now supporting Lisa and each other through a new challenge: at age 57, Lisa has been recently diagnosed with dementia. The National Down Syndrome Society says that Alzheimer’s disease effects about 30% of people with Down Syndrome in their 50s.

At age 75 herself, Patti is currently searching for a plan of care for Nic and Lisa for when she herself passes away. It’s a problem without a clear answer.

“That is the billion dollar question for any person who has a disabled offspring, and I’m not satisfied with my answer at this moment,” Patti says. “I am still exploring and trying to create and discover the right situation.”

Despite their challenges and uncertain future, Patti is proud and blessed by the unique family she’s a part of. And it certainly seems that she blesses Nic and Lisa as well. They are a wonderful example of how life with disability in it can be awfully full and beautiful.